Pity, Party of One, Your Table's Ready

Okay to be honest all weekend, I have been a huge Debbie Downer. Luckily between sequestering myself at home and working, the only fun I ruined was my own unlike..... VIDEO CLIP TIME:

So, yep I just had a pity party all by myself. But let's back up a bit shall we? The week started so wonderfully.

Sunday
Happy, content with all the different guys I was juggling - I saw it as options. Texting with the Medicine Man was non-stop and it was fun. He invited me to hang out on Monday. I guess I did have an awkward conversation with The Ex about basically telling him if we'd still been together I would have really thought about moving to Florida with him. It stung to even say those words aloud, I'm hoping it stung him to hear them. But, whatever The Ex would be gone soon and I had other people I could bring my attention to.


Monday
A day off - finally! I went to hip-hop yoga (not as crazy as it sounds just yoga to hip hop music) in the morning, watched a movie and slept all day until it was time to meet the Medicine Man. We met in Kendall at Think Tank. Which is actually a really cool restaurant/lounge. We just got drinks, although I really need to get dinner there sometime. Anyway, I was kind of nervous coming into the date because I had such a relaxing day and my last encounter with the Medicine Man was him bouncing off the wall. I just wasn't in the mood for a crazy amount of energy. Luckily, he was way more calm and we had a really great time. And the whole "I'm going to feel your pulse and tell you what kind of Chinese herbs you need, I can heal the things that bother you" was very attractive. Maybe I'm a total sucker and he does this to all girls to get them hooked but whatever, it worked. Also, I'm not sure if he sensed I was into his brother a bit last time we hung out but Medicine Man didn't fail to mention some unflattering stories about his brother on this date. It might have been unintentional but even if it was intentional I thought it was kind of cute. Anyway, we had a lot of fun, the conversation never had any awkward moments and all of a sudden it was late and time to go home.

We headed out and walked together with the intentions of him going to the train and me going home. Well, when we got to the point in which we should have parted ways we instead made out (side note: I'm getting real sick of the phrase made/make out but I feel kiss implies something sweeter) in the street. And then he said he'd "walk me home" and I'm sure you can all guess where this leads. So yeah, I finally gave in and invited him in. He ended up staying the night but I swear nothing happened except us making out. He didn't really try anything at first and finally when he did I was kind of into the whole teenage make-out session. He didn't seem to mind either, so all was well. And in the morning, I didn't have to worry about kicking him out because I really did have to go to work. :)

Tuesday
Exhausted and feeling kind of ill from lack of sleep, I went home early from work. And The Ex wanted to video chat. And we did, but something about it bothered me. We used to video chat when we were in the long distance part of our relationship. We had some pretty racy video chats, I won't lie, but since we pretty much video chatted everyday, not all of them were. This video chat on Tuesday reminded me of all those non-racy video chats, which reminded me of a time when even when we were 1000 miles away from each other we were still happy and somehow made things work. And I think this is where I started getting supplies for my pity party. On the bright side, Medicine Man and I were texting and sending emails like crazy. It was nice to get the attention.

Wednesday
More texting, more emails from the Medicine Man. And then he asked if I'd have lunch with him on Thursday. He didn't have work so he'd come into meet me for lunch. ADORABLE. Of course, I said yes. Oh man, I realized, I'm actually starting to like this guy. And this made things really awkward for me when I had a date with a new OkCupid guy that night.

Yeah, I had a date with... The Interrogator. I'm calling him that because I have no freaking clue what his job/title really is but it was long and had something to do with training people how to ask the right questions to companies who may be involved with fraud. He is also looking into getting into the FBI. So, you know The Interrogator seems appropriate. He also grilled me as well with questions before I got any in for him.

How'd the date go? Well, I was having awkward feelings about The Ex and new, fuzzy feelings about The Medicine Man so basically I wasn't really in the place to go on a date with someone brand new. Plus we went to Cuchi Cuchi which is this really cool restaurant but a fancy/pricey - well at least really chic. I was under the impression we were just getting drinks at the bar. Well, turns out he had a table reserved and we ended up getting some food too. I wasn't prepared for a formal date and this threw me off. I was acting like a nut, spilled my drink, kept mumbling when I couldn't get the mussels I ordered out of their shell. I don't know if he thought I was a weirdo or just nervous or both. I kind of wish someone was videotaping how awkward I was. He still paid for me (thank God, Cuchi Cuchi like I said isn't the cheapest place) and he even took me home in a cab - which was out of his way and paid for my share of the cab.

I guess it's true what they say about timing, if I had met The Interrogator a week or so earlier, we'd probably really hit it off. Unfortunately, I was a mess and I'm not surprised in the least bit that I haven't heard from him.

Thursday
I had lunch with the Medicine Man. We got cheap tacos and hung out. Another great date that ended with him telling me he'd give me acupuncture on Saturday and then kissed me on the forehead goodbye. Super cute.

That evening I went out with my Mom gushing about Medicine Man and saw Jersey Boys - so fun! On my walk home from the train, I talked to the Ex and when I said I was home he was sad that I had to go. Again, infuriating me for no great reason. I guess my frustration came from the idea that talking to a guy before bed should be reserved for best friends or boy friends, in my opinion, and while The Ex has recently said he feels he lost his best friend when I wasn't talking to him, he's made it very clear that he can't be just friends with me. And his move to Florida really rules him out as being anything more than friends. I'm still keeping my cool though. No need to get upset. Besides... I have other options.

Friday
Let the pity party begin! The Ex had been asking me to hang out on Friday but I wanted to keep my options open so I said I had plans. The fact is, I didn't have plans. This is the point where I realize New Years Guy has dropped off the planet. Really, what was the point of saying, "Yes, let's definitely hang out when I get back" if he obviously had no intentions of hanging out with me? Is passive aggressively turning someone down a cool thing to do? I don't need a rejection letter like The Actor gave me but honestly just ignore my text message if you're over me. Leading someone on just because you don't know what else to say is rude. Anyway, New Years Guy's behavior makes me think of The Musician which makes me feel like an idiot all over again. Again, this blog should really be called I'm. An. Idiot. I'm feeling more like one every day. I call The Ex and he's invites me to Clerys a cool bar with a dance floor downstairs. And this sets me over the edge. I don't know if he's going with friends to just have a fun time or to just go and grind up on any girl who will look his way. Then I realize, I'm getting jealous. And THEN I realize sleeping with him a couple weeks ago was not a strings attached moment. And I finally give into the fact that our 5 month break up is actually getting to me and bringing me down. So, I pick a fight with him which was irrational but I did mean some of the things I said.  Then I stay in and watch a movie about people falling in love. Pathetic.

Saturday
A new day? Hardly. I'm still in a terrible mood. I ask the Medicine Man if we're still on for my acupuncture treatment. Nope. But he's still going to come to the Donkey Show later that night which I happen to be working, so we make plans to hang out afterward. I ask him to tell me by 10pm how many people he's coming with so I can set tickets aside for him. And 10pm rolls around and I hear nothing. I finally get a text message at 12am saying he fell asleep and he's sorry, don't hate him. If I wasn't throwing a pity party for myself I wouldn't care  - things happen, but this isn't the week to make a mistake with me. Of course, I tell him it's fine. I go to bed disappointed, sad, mad and all the other negative emotions one can feel at the same time.

I really know how to pick em'.

Well, no time to cry about it and since I just saw Jersey Boys, I'll leave you with this classic VIDEO CLIP TIME, NUMERO DOS:

Balancing Act

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, step right up! Come and see the amazing balancing act performed by yours truly!

Ok, seriously though? I thought when I broke up with The Ex I'd have all this time for me to just do whatever I wanted. YEAH right. Dating is like a full time job and when you actually have a full time job it becomes extremely hard to balance everything. Hence my lapse in writing a new entry.

Last week, I was in DC for work which was busy and exhausting but I managed to have some fun in there as well. Interestingly, I hung out with my co-workers friend who I had met in New Orleans - remember my Fun, less than 48 hour, drama-free, vacation fling!? I thought it would be funny to text him and see if he was around. I was really thinking, "What a good story this will be for the blog!!" Unfortunately, it wasn't a good story at all. He messaged me back saying he might be able to hang out and then ignored my second text when I said I was coming down a day earlier. I only ended up seeing him because I went to dinner with my co-worker and he invited him to meet up with us. It wasn't awkward but the encounter was brief and uneventful - sorry readers, I kind of feel like I let you down.

Don't worry though, the last 10 days have been pretty eventful. And my "balancing act" has become MUCH more difficult these days. Not as difficult as this guy's though - VIDEO CLIP TIME!




Last week, I was juggling two guys - The Actor and New Years Guy. Today, I'm juggling New Years Guy, Medicine Man and. . . The Ex - I KNOW. I know. Anyway, let's recap by the boy shall we?

The Actor
We had that first great date and then I didn't hear from him so I figured he just wasn't that into me or had met someone else or he just plain forgot about me but I wasn't real upset or anything by it. Then 5 days after our first date, I get a message on OkCupid:

Sorry you haven't heard from me until now. As I said at the end of our date the other night, I had fun getting to know you a bit. I'm writing because, in spite of what I said about giving you a call to meet again sometime, I've realized I'm not really ready to be dating again, as I thought I was. I got hurt pretty badly in my last relationship and am just not available to moving on quite yet. Sorry to have left you hanging a bit and I hope you understand. I know how it can suck to not hear from someone who says they are gonna call and then disappear from the face of the earth, so I wanted to touch base to let you know what was going on. Best of luck,

What I wanted to write back but didn't:

1. If you weren't ready to move on, why did you go on an ONLINE DATING website?
2. Why are you telling me the details about why you aren't ready to move on? You sound pathetic.
3. I didn't think you disappeared from the earth and it didn't really suck that bad, please get over yourself.
4. BEST OF LUCK?! What did I apply for a job?
5. This message was over-dramatic and unnecessary, I knew there were no NORMAL actors.

I didn't even care that he didn't call but for some reason this message made me very angry.

New Years Guy
We had our first official date last Friday and to be honest I was such a hot mess. I got in a fight with my brother on the the phone which then had me upset and running late - 35 minutes late to be exact. I came running into the restaurant feeling terrible and then tried really hard not to talk to him about the fight but then I did. So, I verbally vomited all over him. The funny thing is? He was SUPER cool and chill about it. To be honest, as I was running to the date I realized I had no recollection of what he was like. I mean I remembered we talked for a really long time on New Years and obviously I liked him enough to bring him home but... I couldn't remember if he was funny or serious or a geek or all of the above! Turns out he was not only chill (or maybe he had to be because I was playing the hot mess role) but he was funny and talked a lot. And I found myself really having a great time. We had dinner and then got a couple of drinks and then he tried to make out with me in a bar. I wasn't ready for that kind of PDA so I thought it was wise to bring it home. And another sleepover ensued. The next morning? I pretty much had to kick him out this time, I waited until about 11am though. :)

And then an entire week went by and I didn't hear from him. I was all ready for another "best of luck" letter or text and was really pretty bummed. Luckily, my best friend Andrea was in town this weekend and encouraged me to text him. And we texted back and forth a bit and ended our convo on him saying we should hang out next week sometime. So, hopefully we really do hang out, I would really like to see him again.

Medicine Man
I think of all the guys I'm juggling right now, he's my favorite. Mostly because he's RIDICULOUS. I knew from our messages this would be the case. Here's how my nickname for him came about: Basically, he was working a full time job in Chicago and decided to get acupuncture one day at lunch. He realized in this moment of getting acupuncture he needed to be doing this with his life. So he quit his job, studied traditional Chinese medicine and is now an Acupuncturist and Herbalist in Boston AKA Medicine Man! This story alone, showcases his part ridiculous, part kind of awesome personality.

So, we had plans to meet up after the weekend but we were texting a lot throughout the week and I asked if he had any suggestions on what I should do with my friend when she was in town.  And he suggested we go have drinks in Harvard Square - me, him, Andrea and his brother. He was even nice enough to give us his brother's okcupid username so we could look him up. Andrea, my longtime partner in crime was down, only after checking out the photos of both.

Medicine Man was kind of crazy. I wondered if he was nervous or drunk or just forgot to take his Ritalin. Although he was really funny and his brother - OMG. To be honest,  I was kind of sad at first his brother hadn't messaged me first.  They were both cute but his brother was a little more chill. They were both actually hilarious and I had a really good time hanging out with them. I almost want to tell Medicine Man we have to go through a friend stage so in case things don't work out we can at least be friends. They were really that fun.

After our night out, I tried to figure out how I could pursue the brother and quickly realized that no way was that morally okay or would ever work out in my favor. And then Medicine Man kept texting me and through each text I find him more endearing by the second. i.e he's telling me about the amazon right now. Sigh..... Therefore, I'll stick with Medicine Man and hopefully I'll just get the bonus of getting to see his hot brother every now and then!

And what we've all been waiting for... drum role PLEASE (VCT2!):



The Ex
I'll break it down for you real simply here: I'm. An. Idiot. (Should I rename this blog?)

The Ex is moving to Florida - for real this time. And we decided to get dinner to make sure I'd see him before he left because he'll be busy preparing for his move and well, if you don't know why I'll be busy you just skipped to the end to get to the juicy stuff!

So, dinner happened and then drinks happened. And then all of a sudden I'm drunk and the next thing I know I'm crying and then hooking up with him in his car. Oh, brother. And then he picked me up from the airport when I got back from DC and we hung out again. He slept over and said something that basically felt like a dagger twisting in my confused and broken heart: "I miss you. It just feels like I lost my best friend." Who is this guy? And why couldn't he be the guy I was dating for 2.5 years. I guess if he was that guy then, I wouldn't be in this situation right now. The inner teen in me says: "WHATEVER."

And now, not only am I balancing three different guys but I'm balancing all these emotions, not to mention all this BAGGAGE, because of The Ex. But at the end of the day, The Ex is moving so I'm not really sure why I'm wasting any time and energy on dealing with those emotions, baggage or him.

I just can't help myself. Like I said, I'm. An. Idiot.

My Questions and Answers to Dating Rules and Etiquette

So far, the year of no expectations is going well! It's only been 5 days into the new year and I've already had a sleepover AND a great date with someone completely different!

Within this first great week of the year, however, I have been faced with some serious questions on dating rules and etiquette.

First, let me give you some background on New Years Guy. He's an International ______ Analyst. For the life of me I can't remember how to fill in that blank. I tell you this because I was really excited to call him The Analyst but I've already referred to him as New Years (his name) to too many of my friends. He went to college with my friend Liz and her boyfriend Slater and that's how we both ended up at the party in Charlestown. I caught him spot me while I was talking with Liz and it did not go unnoticed that he immediately came over to introduce himself. Although I give him credit he tried real hard to not be so obvious. And he even fooled me for a bit as after just a few minutes of talking he said, "Well, I'll talk to you later." I shrugged and figured he wasn't that interested but when we bumped into each other later, I realized earlier was totally part of this game and guilty as charged it totally worked! Our conversation pretty much lasted the entire night. And I learned he was very serious about the "Don't hook up with someone who is in a relationship" rule. A good rule to live by, I think. But seriously, he asked me about three times if I was with my friend (Kaitlin) and HER boyfriend (Caleb), triple checking that Caleb was not in fact MY boyfriend. Finally, just before midnight he asked directly if I was single. Good timing, New Years Guy.

Also, I can't go on because New Years Guy looked a lot like Ryan from the OC and well I can't get the theme song out of my head so.... VIDEO CLIP TIME!




Now that this theme song is in your head, I have my first topic for the Q&A session I will have with myself.

First Time for Sex

Q: Is sleeping with someone the first night you ever meet someone a do or a don't??
A: I'm okay with sleeping with someone on the first date, however, I'm not sure how I feel about sleeping with someone on the first meeting. I mean not that I haven't done it and I am definitely not saying it shouldn't happen ever but I think it can often give the wrong impression. Of course, I didn't and don't have any expectations of where things are going to go with New Years Guy but somehow in my half in the bag state on New Years Eve I profoundly though, "Things won't go anywhere if I sleep with him tonight." I also managed to come up with a new rule for myself which I think all women should follow: At least get dinner before sleeping with a guy. That way if he never calls again or if the sex is horrible and you hope he never calls again, at least you can say you got free dinner.

So, no sex with New Years Guy but a sleepover did happen which leads me to my next topic:  

Morning After Etiquette

Q: How long is too long to stay in the morning after a sleepover?
A: Seriously, I was about ready for New Years Guy to leave at 8:00am but dude didn't leave until 11:30am! Did he overstay his welcome or was I just being a brat? 8:00am might be asking someone to leave TOO early, but I don't know, we had just met! I wasn't ready to spend ALL morning with him. Maybe I was just being a brat though because seriously when he asked if I wanted to get breakfast when it was so close to noon I almost lost it. Luckily, I stayed cool and  played the hungover card even though, miraculously, I was not. I really did think he was a cool guy but I wasn't really ready for the whole "let's cuddle in the morning and eat breakfast afterward" deal just yet.

Q: How to say goodbye in the morning once someone decides to leave?
A: With New Years Guy and in many instances in the past, there has always been this weird moment when the guy is leaving. Do you kiss? Do you make plans to hang out next time? It definitely depends on the situation. With The Musician, things were temporary, we had no intentions of actually dating each other YET he always made this big to-do of kissing me goodbye in the morning, even going as far as rubbing my back and finally saying, "Let's hang out soon." Guys if you're reading, if you don't want to hang out again soon, don't say it. It's awkward for everyone involved. If the night was clearly just a one night stand or a once in a while stand don't pretend it's anything more than that! It's just silly. Leave and leave graciously. A quick peck on the cheek and a "this was fun" will suffice. On the other hand.... if you do want to see the girl again, get her number if you don't have it, maybe suggest a general time when you are free next, and again a quick peck on the cheek and a "this was fun" will suffice. Unless we've been dating for awhile I don't want to make out with you in the morning and give you a hug. Thanks.

Next topic:

Three Day Rule: To Call or To Text

Q: Is texting within three days the same as calling?
A: Okay, to be honest I was getting nervous only after 2 days that New Years Guy wasn't going to call me. I know after the whole hoop-la of him not leaving, I actually did really want to see him again. Also, I was starting to think not sleeping with him made him not want to see me again! Luckily, Monday evening he texted. And we made tentative plans and tonight as I have been writing this very entry he texted again to seal the deal on those plans. And I get that it's the 21st century and texting is a completely adequate mode of communication but I think a phone call is much more appropriate. I mean back in the day, and I mean way back in the day, men had to write passionate love letters to get a girl to go out with them, I don't think dialing my number that's input into your cell phone really is a big deal. Of course, I'll still go out with New Years Guy even though he made plans via text message but he loses a few points for sure. Even if he did end our conversation with something sweet (yet a little overeager in my book): "Great! I'm really looking forward to hanging out again." Sent tonight at 11:24pm EST.

Now that I have a dinner date set up my next topic is:

Paying the Bill Etiquette
Q: Do you offer to split the bill and how the *$#% do you do offer to split it smoothly?
A: My answer to this is yes, you do offer to split the bill. It's the right thing to do. The only time I didn't do it was my first date with The Musician but that was only because our first date happened THREE months after we started messing around. I figured he owed me a dinner, although I still felt real weird about it. Also, there is no real way to offer smoothly and I actually think I'm getting worse at it. I used offer and then when the guy said, "No, it's okay, I got it." I'd pretend to be all surprised and say, "Are you sure??" And then graciously thank him as if no one had ever bought dinner for me before. Now, I just go through the lines, the motions, my timing is off, the acting is terrible and really it makes things kinda of awkward and laughable. Any pointers you have for me on this readers, please let me know. Comment here or maybe even send some pointers to me at my new email address: Pointclickdate@gmail.com! Or you can tweet at me @pointclickdate :)

I noticed how terrible my offering to paying the bill act was on Sunday when I went out on a date with The Actor! It was actually a pretty great date. I was surprised. I mean the only person I ever really wanted to see again from the site was The Animator but he was still kind of awkward. And all the guys I've met through OKCupid have been ambiguously gay or awkward/shy or not tall enough or sometimes a combination of three. It was definitely surprising to meet The Actor and have him be the most normal guy I met on OkCupid. I mean an Actor being normal?! Now THAT'S CRAZY. So yeah, I had a really great time on the date and I thought he did too but alas, it's day three and no phone call OR text message. Although, maybe all artist types have a 10 day rule. Or maybe they have no rule at all they just call/text/email/facebook/okcupid message whenever they want. I sound bitter, so I'm going to stop.

Anyway, the only thing wrong with The Actor was his hair. It was a little 80s for me and bordering on jew-fro. It actually reminded me a bit of Duckie's from Pretty in Pink. That makes him sound like he was not attractive at all but he was, just the hair needs some help. To remind you of Duckie's hair AND the 80s please view VIDEO CLIP TIME NUMBER TWO!!!

2011: The Year of No Expectations

It's finally 2011! And I'm not usually the one to make resolutions but as I look back at 2010, I realize some things definitely need to change in 2011. I realized that in the past and especially in 2010 I have set my expectations so high over and over.  I think throughout the year, especially when it came to guys, I have gotten overeager, overexcited and then not surprisingly, I have been often overly disappointed. This idea all came about when I was on a date - yes a date!! On Tuesday, I went out with a new OkCupid find. I mentioned The Nonprofiteer in the last entry but after meeting him I believe Sideways Guy is much more fitting.

Why Sideways? Well, apparently no one informed him that wearing his hat with the bill to the side hasn't been cool since the 90s. I shouldn't have been surprised by this because his photos on OkCupid displayed this sideways style but I thought he might hold off before showcasing this until the 2nd date. If only for the reason that seeing him in person with his sideways hat made me think of.... VIDEO CLIP TIME!




At least this made me laugh and I also thought, "He's confident enough to look silly and really owns his style - good for him!"


Going back to expectations. I set them extremely high for this date with Sideways. Over the internet things looked promising. He was really good looking, we had the same taste in movies, his messages were thoughtful and he seemed like a fun guy! I was really excited to get back in the game of dating and to be put in with what I thought was going to be an all-star. When he opened his mouth to talk, however, disappointment barged in and became a third wheel on our date. Sideways Guy was tall, dark (haired) and handsome with a voice of a tiny, little, slightly feminine mouse. I could barely hear him and it got real annoying, real fast. I tried to bear with it but I think I ended up talking too much so that I didn't have to keep saying what?! WHAT?? I'm not surprised he hasn't called yet, I didn't let him get a word in!

I'm not sure why I set high expectations but I do. Remember how excited I was about The Musician at the very beginning? Major let down. The Renaissance Man? Disappointed by his height. I even had some hopeful expectations for The Musician the second time around and The Ex the millionth time around. And one would think to lower my expectations but I feel that's real negative so I've decided:

2011 is the YEAR OF NO EXPECTATIONS!!!

And so far, I think it's worked out for me. For example, last night I went to Tavern on the Water for New Years Eve. I was invited by my friend Liz and of course took Kaitlin and her boyfriend, Caleb. I went dateless and only knew Kaitlin, Caleb, Liz and her boyfriend Slater. The old me would have set high expectations for the night. And ultimately, the need to meet some new cute boy to kiss at midnight would have ruined my night. The NEW and IMPROVED me had no expectations of how the night would turn out. I just went hoping to have fun with some friends. And I did have fun, I did end up with a midnight kiss and I did end up with a boy in my bed on New Years Day. I didn't expect it and I wasn't disappointed. And if this guy calls me great but again, I'm not expecting anything. I'll take the good and the bad as it comes but to expect the best or even the worst is just setting myself up for disaster.

Cheers to the year of no expectations and whatever it may bring!! Happy New Year! And to help you celebrate please enjoy another great VIDEO CLIP TIME!