My Questions and Answers to Dating Rules and Etiquette

So far, the year of no expectations is going well! It's only been 5 days into the new year and I've already had a sleepover AND a great date with someone completely different!

Within this first great week of the year, however, I have been faced with some serious questions on dating rules and etiquette.

First, let me give you some background on New Years Guy. He's an International ______ Analyst. For the life of me I can't remember how to fill in that blank. I tell you this because I was really excited to call him The Analyst but I've already referred to him as New Years (his name) to too many of my friends. He went to college with my friend Liz and her boyfriend Slater and that's how we both ended up at the party in Charlestown. I caught him spot me while I was talking with Liz and it did not go unnoticed that he immediately came over to introduce himself. Although I give him credit he tried real hard to not be so obvious. And he even fooled me for a bit as after just a few minutes of talking he said, "Well, I'll talk to you later." I shrugged and figured he wasn't that interested but when we bumped into each other later, I realized earlier was totally part of this game and guilty as charged it totally worked! Our conversation pretty much lasted the entire night. And I learned he was very serious about the "Don't hook up with someone who is in a relationship" rule. A good rule to live by, I think. But seriously, he asked me about three times if I was with my friend (Kaitlin) and HER boyfriend (Caleb), triple checking that Caleb was not in fact MY boyfriend. Finally, just before midnight he asked directly if I was single. Good timing, New Years Guy.

Also, I can't go on because New Years Guy looked a lot like Ryan from the OC and well I can't get the theme song out of my head so.... VIDEO CLIP TIME!




Now that this theme song is in your head, I have my first topic for the Q&A session I will have with myself.

First Time for Sex

Q: Is sleeping with someone the first night you ever meet someone a do or a don't??
A: I'm okay with sleeping with someone on the first date, however, I'm not sure how I feel about sleeping with someone on the first meeting. I mean not that I haven't done it and I am definitely not saying it shouldn't happen ever but I think it can often give the wrong impression. Of course, I didn't and don't have any expectations of where things are going to go with New Years Guy but somehow in my half in the bag state on New Years Eve I profoundly though, "Things won't go anywhere if I sleep with him tonight." I also managed to come up with a new rule for myself which I think all women should follow: At least get dinner before sleeping with a guy. That way if he never calls again or if the sex is horrible and you hope he never calls again, at least you can say you got free dinner.

So, no sex with New Years Guy but a sleepover did happen which leads me to my next topic:  

Morning After Etiquette

Q: How long is too long to stay in the morning after a sleepover?
A: Seriously, I was about ready for New Years Guy to leave at 8:00am but dude didn't leave until 11:30am! Did he overstay his welcome or was I just being a brat? 8:00am might be asking someone to leave TOO early, but I don't know, we had just met! I wasn't ready to spend ALL morning with him. Maybe I was just being a brat though because seriously when he asked if I wanted to get breakfast when it was so close to noon I almost lost it. Luckily, I stayed cool and  played the hungover card even though, miraculously, I was not. I really did think he was a cool guy but I wasn't really ready for the whole "let's cuddle in the morning and eat breakfast afterward" deal just yet.

Q: How to say goodbye in the morning once someone decides to leave?
A: With New Years Guy and in many instances in the past, there has always been this weird moment when the guy is leaving. Do you kiss? Do you make plans to hang out next time? It definitely depends on the situation. With The Musician, things were temporary, we had no intentions of actually dating each other YET he always made this big to-do of kissing me goodbye in the morning, even going as far as rubbing my back and finally saying, "Let's hang out soon." Guys if you're reading, if you don't want to hang out again soon, don't say it. It's awkward for everyone involved. If the night was clearly just a one night stand or a once in a while stand don't pretend it's anything more than that! It's just silly. Leave and leave graciously. A quick peck on the cheek and a "this was fun" will suffice. On the other hand.... if you do want to see the girl again, get her number if you don't have it, maybe suggest a general time when you are free next, and again a quick peck on the cheek and a "this was fun" will suffice. Unless we've been dating for awhile I don't want to make out with you in the morning and give you a hug. Thanks.

Next topic:

Three Day Rule: To Call or To Text

Q: Is texting within three days the same as calling?
A: Okay, to be honest I was getting nervous only after 2 days that New Years Guy wasn't going to call me. I know after the whole hoop-la of him not leaving, I actually did really want to see him again. Also, I was starting to think not sleeping with him made him not want to see me again! Luckily, Monday evening he texted. And we made tentative plans and tonight as I have been writing this very entry he texted again to seal the deal on those plans. And I get that it's the 21st century and texting is a completely adequate mode of communication but I think a phone call is much more appropriate. I mean back in the day, and I mean way back in the day, men had to write passionate love letters to get a girl to go out with them, I don't think dialing my number that's input into your cell phone really is a big deal. Of course, I'll still go out with New Years Guy even though he made plans via text message but he loses a few points for sure. Even if he did end our conversation with something sweet (yet a little overeager in my book): "Great! I'm really looking forward to hanging out again." Sent tonight at 11:24pm EST.

Now that I have a dinner date set up my next topic is:

Paying the Bill Etiquette
Q: Do you offer to split the bill and how the *$#% do you do offer to split it smoothly?
A: My answer to this is yes, you do offer to split the bill. It's the right thing to do. The only time I didn't do it was my first date with The Musician but that was only because our first date happened THREE months after we started messing around. I figured he owed me a dinner, although I still felt real weird about it. Also, there is no real way to offer smoothly and I actually think I'm getting worse at it. I used offer and then when the guy said, "No, it's okay, I got it." I'd pretend to be all surprised and say, "Are you sure??" And then graciously thank him as if no one had ever bought dinner for me before. Now, I just go through the lines, the motions, my timing is off, the acting is terrible and really it makes things kinda of awkward and laughable. Any pointers you have for me on this readers, please let me know. Comment here or maybe even send some pointers to me at my new email address: Pointclickdate@gmail.com! Or you can tweet at me @pointclickdate :)

I noticed how terrible my offering to paying the bill act was on Sunday when I went out on a date with The Actor! It was actually a pretty great date. I was surprised. I mean the only person I ever really wanted to see again from the site was The Animator but he was still kind of awkward. And all the guys I've met through OKCupid have been ambiguously gay or awkward/shy or not tall enough or sometimes a combination of three. It was definitely surprising to meet The Actor and have him be the most normal guy I met on OkCupid. I mean an Actor being normal?! Now THAT'S CRAZY. So yeah, I had a really great time on the date and I thought he did too but alas, it's day three and no phone call OR text message. Although, maybe all artist types have a 10 day rule. Or maybe they have no rule at all they just call/text/email/facebook/okcupid message whenever they want. I sound bitter, so I'm going to stop.

Anyway, the only thing wrong with The Actor was his hair. It was a little 80s for me and bordering on jew-fro. It actually reminded me a bit of Duckie's from Pretty in Pink. That makes him sound like he was not attractive at all but he was, just the hair needs some help. To remind you of Duckie's hair AND the 80s please view VIDEO CLIP TIME NUMBER TWO!!!