Well, tonight is the big night - my first date since I decided to give pointing, clicking and dating a go again.
I'm not particularly nervous although I do feel like my dating skills are not as sharp as they once were. So, I decided to watch this LONG, LONG video from 1949 to remind myself what I should and should not do on a date (VIDEO CLIP TIME - skip to 10:39, that's when it gets real hilarious):
My takeaways from this video are:
Look my best
Look in the mirror before I leave
Be on time
Make my date feel relaxed
Have a good time
Enjoy what I'm doing
Take my date seriously
Don't stay out particularly late
At the end of the date, tell him I had "loads of fun".
I think I'm ready! Okay, seriously, did people actually watch these videos and really act like this?
The only real thing I'm worried about is I've been on so many interviews lately, I'm scared I'll start asking him interview questions just to you know, have the upper hand for once this week. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? How well do you work on teams? What is a weakness you would like to improve? What is your experience with editing videos?
I'm most looking forward to the Chinese food we'll be eating. I've been craving it for a month now! And we're going to a restaurant down the street from me so here's hoping the food is delicious and then I can become a regular!
Well, check back tomorrow for the report on tonight's date!
Until then, I have a great, quick side story:
In Boston I went on a date with a guy I called Promo Guy (Click here to read about that date). He was super nice but I'm pretty sure he wasn't straight. As I was pointing and clicking the other day guess who I saw!? Promo Guy! He was using the same photo and everything! At first I thought he might be stalking me but then I remembered he used to live out here and I kind of recall him saying something about wanting to move back. I also thought about messaging him because I thought it would be funny but then I remembered I had agreed to go on a second date with him. I then canceled via text, told him I was sick and told him I'd call when I was better. I hope he believes that I just never got better and not that I was a total coward and couldn't just say, "Yeah, sorry, I'm just no that into you." I hope Promo Guy finds the love he is looking for in L.A. Although until he comes out I'm not sure it's going to work out for him.
Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls.... I have decided to revive Point. Click. Date. for one month and one month only!!
Why? Well, there are lots of reasons:
1. I'm unemployed right now which means I'm BORED. My Point. Click. Date. days were definitely entertaining if nothing else.
2. I live in a new city - LA and it's hard to meet people so why not meet potentially fun strangers from the internet? Plus, I'll get to discover more things about LA while meeting said strangers from the internet!
And the third reason is......
3. It's Valentine's Day season... and I swear it started the day after Christmas. And now I can't walk into a grocery store or pharmacy or any place that might sell candy or cards without being reminded that Valentine's Day is right around the corner and I couldn't be more single if I tried. Of course, I'm still skeptical of the whole online dating thing and I'm not expecting to find a boyfriend through the internet. BUT being single and actually going on dates is a lot more fun than being single and staying at home by yourself, overdosing on Netflix. Yeah, don't worry about the fact that in the last 2 weeks I watched every single episode of How I Met Your Mother Seasons 1 - 6... it's totally cool.
I decided this time around I would try a NEW online dating site in addition to the regular OkCupid site. The new site is How About We which I think has a lot of potential but the reason I'm not solely going to use this site is there aren't as many people on it and you can tell everyone is a bit hesitant and not sure if it's legit or not. What I love about the How About We site is it's all about creating dates first and less about the stupid questions. So on your profile it will say "How about we....." and then you fill in the blank. I find it hilarious that most guys are still pretty uncreative and say "get drinks" but at least they are upfront about their non-creativeness. I've been on it for the last couple of days and I've already started chatting up a potential character - I mean date - his name for the blog will be The Australian because well, he's Australian. He went on the site to literally just meet someone to hang out with in LA when he's here visting. It should be a hilarious time if we actually meet.
Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself here. I should update you on where my ating life has gone in the last 10 months.
I left Point. Click. Date. after meeting the most gorgeous guy, The Catch, who seemed to have it all. He was smart, funny, HOT, successful and he even had a chocolate lab. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I'm the one that blew it. I mean I hadn't heard from him in a couple of days but I mean we just started dating AND I had dropped a major bomb - that I was visiting my ex-boyfriend for 10 days. I mean, of course, he was going to keep a little distance between us! I wasn't ready for The Catch and now I will just think longingly of the amazing relationship that could have been. Sigh......
And what did I give that all up for? A pretty horrible 10 days with The Ex. Okay... that's not true it wasn't horrible. We had some fun in there but mostly we fought but with great fighting comes great angry sex.... so I mean at least we had that. After I left, we both knew that we probably shouldn't talk to each other for awhile but that was going to be a bit hard since we were both going to a wedding a week later. We made it through the entire wedding being nice, dancing and having fun but then many glasses of wine and beer later, at the very end of the night a terrible fight broke out. He thought I was hitting on a member of the band and first of all, I wasn't but then I also believed he didn't reserve the right to be jealous anymore. It was a drunk, messy fight and that's when we really agreed space and no communication was absolutely necessary. We went a whole month without talking and then he was up in Boston for a Bachelor party. I didn't plan on seeing him but when he called late at night and said all his friends had left him, I made the stupid mistake of saying he could come over. After feeding me bullshit all night about how he missed me and how he felt like his best friend was gone, I ate it right up and slept with him. And because I really am the worst, I started making plans to visit him in Florida. Am I stupid? Yes, yes I am. There I was again back in this "thing" again with The Ex. I visited him over Memorial Day weekend, we talked all throughout June and then I headed back down to Florida for July 4th weekend and we took a trip to Key West. But, on July 5th when The Ex dropped me off at the airport, I said goodbye and this time it was for real. At that point, I knew I was moving across the country which essentially meant starting over and I needed to leave this thing with The Ex where it belonged on the East Coast and in the past. The Ex and I broke up in August of 2010 and somehow managed to draw out an unhealthy relationship for almost an entire year!! And on July 5th...I was over it, I was over us, for good.
And for the rest of the summer, I decided I was over guys/dating in general. On July 5th, I flew to L.A. to go to one of the best events I've ever been a part of and when I got back to Boston on July 11th, I only had a month and a half left in Boston. I wanted to spend that time with all my amazing friends and what kind of stupid idiot would get involved with a guy when she's going to leave soon anyway?
Oh. Wait. That's exactly what I did.
Just two and a half weeks after I said my final goodbye to The Ex, I found myself in bed with a guy I've known for years, he's from my hometown so let's just call him Quincy because that's fun. To accurately tell this story, I need to back up to July 2010 when Kaitlin had a cookout. If you remember, this is when I first met The Musician and thought he was cute. Also in attendance that night was Quincy, who I hadn't seen probably in seven years. I vividly remember thinking, "Damn, Quincy, grew up. Good for him." Because the Quincy I knew was short, skinny, nice but sort of annoying. Well, Quincy aged well and he was no longer short and filled out and I could carry a great conversation - I was impressed. But, if you remember at this cookout I was still dating The Ex and I could not act on my attractions to either Quincy or The Musician. And unfortunately for me, at the next cookout only The Musician was in attendance - we can only just imagine what would have happened if Quincy had been there.....
Anyway, back to July 2011. Kaitlin was going out to McFadden's which may just be Boston's douchiest bar and needed a wing woman because she was trying to sleep with this guy that I'm going to call The Brofather. The Brofather and Kaitlin are no longer sleeping together but are actually super close friends now. I'm calling him The Brofather because all his friends are bros. Okay, so back to the day Kaitlin was trying to get some action from The Brofather - I had been out all day in the summer heat and pretty much thought I looked like a disaster but I decided to join her anyway. Again, I was so not in the mood for guys so I figured it really didn't matter what I looked like. And I needed to be a good wing woman and talk to The Brofather's friends so Kaitlin could have one on one time with The Brofather. Unfortunately, The Brofather had really disappointing bros out with him that night. One, who was and still is a huge douche and the hardest person in America to have a conversation with and the other who was super sweet but overweight, short and a ginger - and he was sweating profusely. But at least the sweating ginger could keep a conversation so I ended up talking to him for awhile when I realized he thought he was making good ground with me. Oh no! That's when I ran to the bathroom even though I didn't have to go. Fleeing is always a good option right? When I get back who was just entering the bar? Quincy. Again, I'm like damn, Quincy got pretty freaking hot. And I give him a hug and ask him to save me from the sweating ginger.
Quincy and I end up having a great time. Kaitlin leaves with The Brofather and Quincy and I stay a little while to talk more and catch up. Finally, we decide to try to make the last train home and we walk to Park Street. And while walking to the train, he tells me he thinks my dress is really pretty and that's when I lost it. I realize that I just had this amazing time this pretty great guy, I think he's cute and I totally want him to kiss me or ask for my number or something! So, when we're at the train and we have to go our separate ways, I look up at him waiting to do something! But... he just says he had fun, gives me a hug and we go to our separate train platforms. And I think damn, I guess he wasn't into it. Oh well...
But then when I get down to my platform, I hear "Katie! You should call me!" And I said, "I don't have your number" And then I shout out mine. And his train is there but it's waiting because the last trains wait at every stop for a stupid amount of time. And he says something like, "You should be on my train!" And I say, "Yeah? You want company?" And he's totally surprised but he says yes. And I shrug and say okay. And I'm pretty sure he didn't think I would go get on his train but I totally did. And that's how I end up going home with Quincy. And when I woke up the next morning, something weird happened. I was in no rush to leave. He ended up making me breakfast, playing the guitar and then finally driving me home. Two days later, I'm telling him that I could do this for a month and he says okay. And that's how I get myself involved with someone exactly one month before I leave.
And it was SUPPOSED to be just fun and no feelings but of course, that's not what happened at all. I found myself really into him. We went on one of the best dates I have ever gone on in my entire dating career, for goodness sake! And there I am crying because I'm leaving to move across the country and I just met this guy who I have an amazing time with! And it should have just ended there but two weeks after I left for LA I was back in town for work. So, of course, I end up spending all my free time with him. And we have this amazing weekend but we agree long distance is a dumb idea. Although, to be honest, if he had said "Long distance is a really dumb idea but let's be dumb!" I would have said, "Okay!" But, he didn't, so I didn't and that was that. And then I come back over Halloween and I'm not sure what's going to happen this time but again we spend basically the entire weekend together. This time we have an awkward talk and he tells me again that long distance doesn't work. And I get it but I guess it's hard for me to actually have a connection with someone and then call it off just because of distance. There was a part of me that just wanted things to play out because you never know? But when I realized long distance was a deal breaker and nonnegotiable, I told him had been fun but things had to end for good because I deserved to be something more than somebody's fun weekend. Of course they didn't end there, because six and a half weeks later I'm back in town for the holidays. Which if I could take back seeing him over the holidays I would because it was terrible. He was distant, cold and I felt like he was totally just using me to get laid.
On top of that, The Ex was home and completely bailed on our plans to hang out saying, "he was too busy."And when I confronted Quincy about being distant he said it was "Unintentional and he had just been really busy." And I decided I'm so sick of guys telling me they are "too busy." If you want to spend time with someone you make the time. Everyone is busy! And I realized I was making time to hang out with guys who didn't want to make time for me. So, although I really do think The Ex and Quincy are great guys they ended up being assholes to me. And I'm so done with assholes. I haven't talked to Quincy since I dropped him off at his parents' house and he literally said, "I'll talk to you before you leave" (LIE). And I've only talked to The Ex about taking photos and measurements of a painting I made for him (I applied to art school and I needed it for my portfolio). The Ex has tried to reach out but I'm done. There is no need to talk to Quincy or The Ex for a very long time.
To end on a slightly lighter note, I do want to say a lot of silly & funny things happened in between all that drama - like Medicine Man finding this blog, reading the whole thing and then sending me an awkward email about how things went down. I didn't respond. I then saw him on my last night in Boston when I was outside The Oberon in Harvard Square on my phone. He walked by and said, "I thought you were in L.A!?" And I'm so puzzled by this and I said, "Tomorrow!" And then I realize that Medicine Man totally kept up with my "Life. After Dating" blog. I'm so glad he enjoyed my writing but... kinda weird, right?
Oh boy...
Well, I'm excited about the next month and all the crazy, dating adventures I'm going to get myself into. So... here it goes again..... VIDEO CLIP TIME!!!!!!
To my true and blue blog readers from literally all over the world and to the 5'5" creepy guys on OkCupid:
I regret to inform you that I have deactivated my OkCupid account. Yes, that means there will be no more Pointing. (well, I'm sure I'll point at something) Clicking (again, clicking probably will still happen but not at cute strangers but more at my desktop icons) but most importantly no more DATING.
It's been a wild ride. I've met some really interesting characters some tall (The Animator, The Catch), some not tall enough (The Renaissance Man), some a bit creepy/psychotic (The Scientist/The Stalker), a few too feminine (The Artist, Sideways), some definitely not straight (The Promo Guy) and some just absolutely perfect but just too far away (sigh... Hot Jersey Guy... sigh -also please note I didn't actually meet him online). It had it's laughs, it's up and down but this ride is making me nauseous and I want off.
Love always,
Your eternal (and now rightfully so) skeptic.
VIDEO CLIP TIME:
Okay I hope we all had a good cry. And now that it's all out, I'll explain why.
The Catch, was surprise, SURPRISE, not a catch at all. In fact, I'm pissed off that I even named him The Catch because to be honest there wasn't even a catch like he was great but he had erectile dysfunction or he's perfect but he has this really awkward taxidermy hobby. Nope, he was actually just like all the other assholes I met on OkCupid and off of the site as well. Just when I convinced myself I could actually like the guy he goes MIA without even so much as a lie like, "I'm moving to China, it's been nice knowing you!" Seriously, like what the fuck? I'm beginning to think I really might be an idiot. Let's see this happened with The Musician, New Years Guy, Medicine Man and now The Catch? I mean three of four were in the last two months. Yup. Done. Sorry.
Especially since The Catch actually said, "I would never just disappear" or something equal to that. Like he'd be all big and man enough to tell me he just wasn't interested anymore if that might be the case. Well, that was proven wrong before I even really had time to digest his words fully. You know what the catch was? Me catching the load of bullshit he threw in my direction. Do I sound angry and bitter?
Well, I should because I am.
And here I thought everything was going to end magically. I mean it did for fucking Elizabeth Gilbert and her stupid book Eat. Pray. Love. Well, here's my book review Lizzie: After you ate, gained weight and were hysterical in your own self pity your book (not to even mention the film) got so boring it actually almost took me 6 months to read (and I fell asleep the second Julia Roberts got to India).
Okay, I'm sorry Elizabeth. I'm really happy you found love at the end of your book but that was just too perfect and I'm not sure how it even came true for you and well, congratulations you got a second book out of it.
Unfortunately, this is not how Point. Click. Date ends. This skeptic will keep on thinking that online dating is a sham and that only if I actually treated it like a full time job would it actually result in something. And even then can you call something you put that much effort in love?! And really, if I did put that much effort in just think of all the other cool things I'd be missing out on.
And that got me thinking. For the last six months, I've been focusing all my attention on my dating/love life. All of it. I tried taking a graduate class to distract me but it didn't really work. I just ended up promoting my blog to my classmates and feeling the need to drink more to cope with the added stress and then I drunk-texted people that I shouldn't have.
I need to be stopped. I have been all consumed by dating and all it's given me is a bunch of drama. And I don't want to be the girl with the drama. Not cool. Once upon a time, I made art and participated in theater - not sure when the last time that happened. I had dreams and hopes other than maybe this fling will turn into something more meaningful.
With all the free time I have who knows what fun things I will discover!
And guess what? This girl is going to BLOG about it.
I'm going to blog about me proactively not dating. No, I'm actually going to avoid it. Like the plague. And I can't think of a better time to start this then right around lent which starts Wednesday! I'm not religious but I was raised Catholic so I'm sure someone is really smiling down on me for actually participating in lent this year. Or maybe their frowning as I'm pretty sure I'm not doing it correctly. Whatever, the point is for AT LEAST the next 40 days I'm going to proactively not date and let's be real this may go on for another 40 after that and another 40 after that...
Also, I know what you must be thinking but "Um... what about your 10 day trip to Florida with The Ex???" Well, I'm not sure what the hell I'd call that but it's definitely not dating. Although, now that I'm not dating at all, sex could enter back into the equation for my 10 day vacation in Florida. And I'm pretty sure I'm okay with that. Because really, I'm not sure how I can not date and have sex. And to go too long without sex is no good for business. I'll be cranky and write cranky blog posts and no one wants to read that. So, maybe I can somehow figure out how to not date and get laid anyway without becoming a trashy whore. Now THAT sounds like a blog.
There's one more thing, dear readers, before I leave you with my link for my new adventure in life after dating. There's something I should tell you. It may come to you as a surprise. But as all good things must come to an end, all great things must come full circle.
The Musician is back in the picture.
Obviously we aren't dating because that wouldn't make any sense. But for some reason the kid has stuck in my mind all these months. I'm not in love with him if that's what you're thinking. No, the real reason is because once upon a time, I really couldn't wait to get to know him. And then, well instead of getting to know him, I got him naked. And really, the only wonderful amazing conversations I remember having with him were before I saw him naked. Not that we didn't have fun while naked... I digress. What I'm saying is I saw real potential in him as just a person I would like. And although I said some pretty harsh things about the guy, I rushed into making it something before I even got to know him. Being his friend first would have made a lot more sense, looking back. And hey, since I'm not in the market for dates but I am in the market for friends, I emailed him and proposed a friendship. And he accepted (like facebook but sweeter aww). And do I still think he is a little socially retarded? Yes. Do I still probably disapprove of the way he treats women? Yes. But, I'm his friend now. And I will just shake my head at him when he does dumb things and think, "Oooh silly musician and I actually wanted to date you once, back when I dated...."
It's going to be great. I'm excited for not dating.
So please on Wednesday, March 9th, 2011. Please join me on:
