Should I stay or should I go?

Believe it or not but today marks the 6 month anniversary of Point. Click. Date. !!! And I have a very special Anniversary Video Clip time brought to you by the Huxtables - VIDEO CLIP TIME:

Six months. And I've pointed a ton, clicked even more but I have only met twelve lucky guys from OKCupid. 

According to all the match.com commercials, 1 out of 5 relationships start online so remember the post I did about statistics, The Dating Game? Well, according to these statistics I actually suck at dating. Or maybe this means I should have been on match.com this whole time.

Or...


Do I even dare say it? Maybe, for me, it's 1 out of 12 people you meet online will turn into a relationship. As nervous as it makes me to admit this, The Catch could actually turn into something that at least comes close to resembling a relationship if not turn into one. It's a big statement I know. We've only been on four dates but I literally find myself looking and looking for flaws and trying to point them out to myself. Things like he changes the subject to fast, he talks in this ridiculous voice to his puppy  - but really? Who am I kidding these flaws are not deal breakers - not even close. And all the good qualities, well there pretty good. And all this means well, I really like him. And I'll go out a limb here and say the feeling is mutual.

So, we'll see. Unfortunately, given my track record in the last 6 months there have only been three guys I got excited about and all three completely went MIA as soon as I got excited. So, it's hard for me to really think that The Catch, as perfect as he may be, won't just be a catch and disappear just like all the others did. The awesome thing is I actually told him about this fear. He told me he wasn't the type to do that - and because I'm a fan of the American legal system I'll believe he's innocent until proven guilty.

I ALSO told him about The Ex!! I told him about the dragging on of the break up and my impending trip to Florida to visit The Ex - all of it! Of course, he asked why I didn't just change/cancel the flight and I didn't get into it but I said although I might shorten it I was hoping to really go down there to give myself closure. And after that the reaction was not quite what I expected. He said something along the lines of: "Well, I think the only solution to this is that you stay the night." I almost spit my wine in his face. I wasn't sure why that was his reaction. Did it mean we should just sleep together because he wanted to make sure he got that in before I left for Florida? Or did he want me to stay the night so he could convince me for an entire night why going to Florida is a bad idea? Or was it something completely different or really bizarre? It was really none of the above, I'm not sure I still REALLY understand his reasoning but after going to The Living Room and having another glass of wine and some kissing on the couch (yes I was sober and yes I was actually okay with kissing in public - weird I KNOW!)  the answer was yes, yes I should go to his house and stay the night.

We went to his house, made dinner with his roommates and just hung out. Nothing more than kissing happened when we went to bed and overall it was a really awesome night. He drove me home the next morning and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

Until...

I called The Ex - before your shake your head at me I called BECAUSE he called me drunk at 4 in the morning. Oh yea, it was awesome when I got two phone calls back to back while sleeping at The Catch's house. It totally supported my earlier statements that going down to Florida would be strictly friendly and to ends things -NOPE, No it didn't. I think The Catch was really put off by it but because I'm the most awkward person in the world I think he realized that I wasn't happy about the phone call or expecting it.


So yes, I called The Ex to see if he was okay because I could barely make out his voicemails. The conversation was going fine until he asked...."What did you do last night?" I thought about what I did, knew I couldn't say it, blanked and stumbled over words and said something like, "Ummm I just hung out?" And then I tried to cover this statement or something by saying, "I met someone who knows Laura (one of his best friend's fiancé)." And that's when he went ballistic, asked if I took this guy home and then said other really terrible things and proceeded to hang up. He then only would communicate with me via text until 11:30pm at night when he picked up the phone and said he wasn't going to talk because it was too late. Mind you, two days prior to this insane behavior The Ex called me, surprise DRUNK, and yelled at me for about two-three hours and told me how horrible I was to him.

And the question everyone has an answer for but me: Should I stay or should I go? Cue the music - VIDEO CLIP TIME 2!:



I know the answer is no. I know I should just cancel it, eat the change/cancel fee, try and plan something else that does NOT involve The Ex for another time -  I know this. I get THIS. Not only should I not go, I should not WANT to do. But, despite everything that's happened, I just don't think I can not go. I don't want to go down there to mess around and prolong this break up even more, I'm serious when I say this. I don't even want to sleep in the same bed with him let alone sleep with him. But, I do want to see him. I truly want to go down there to end things face to face, once and for all. I just don't think it will feel the same over the phone. I honestly know that after I see him, I can't talk to him again so I'd like to have one last time where we are actually being civil to one another and are enjoying each others company - as friends and friends alone. Maybe if I see that we can act like friends that one day that's what we'll really be. Maybe it's too idealistic of me and going down there will be an even worse version of the past two phone calls I've had with The Ex but I think I'll regret it if I don't try to end things on a good note.

All together now: I'm. An. Idiot.

But then I get a text message: "I'm heading to bed. Thought I'd say goodnight...."

I might be an idiot but I'm an idiot that gets a goodnight text message from someone I think is a catch.

A blind date, a second date & a quick trip to Jersey

A lot can happen in a month, even more in just a week. This week was one of those weeks. I also say this because I'm wondering why I would ever book a ticket to see The Ex 6 weeks in advance. Yet another example of why this blog should be called I'm. An. Idiot. More about that later, on to my very eventful week.

First, the blind date. A while ago my roommate, Erin, said it would be interesting if I was set up on a blind date and compared a blind date to an online date. I told this to my friend Lily and about two days later she had set me up on a blind date. I was definitely more nervous because I knew about two things about him: He was in grad school at Northeastern and he worked with my friend Lily. Not exactly the information you need to know if you're going to hit it off with someone. We met at Tory Row in Harvard Square at his suggestion. It was a cool place, he was cute and really fun. But... I just wasn't into him. Seriously, I couldn't have asked for a better blind date but for whatever reason I couldn't picture dating him. I do realy think he's cool though so I'm wondering if there is a way to be his friend. We split the bill so I thought that was a good start to a beautiful friendship. As for going on a blind date vs. an online date, well, my nerves were much higher before the blind date but it was actually a lot easier going on the blind date. When I go on a date with someone I meet online I feel like I have to remember everything they've said in messages and in their profile as well what I've said in messsages and what I have made public information on my profile. Another thing that sucks about online dating is because of the messages you have before you go on a date the few icebreaker questions you would ask at the beginning have already been answered. I had to say since Blind Date and I knew three or less facts about one another the conversation was endless and pretty great. Although I do have to give Blind Date credit, he had a great personality and wasn't shy at all.

Another reason I think I wasn't as into Blind Date as I would have been if the date had happened a week earlier was because I couldn't stop thinking about WTFiTC Guy which I'm going to remame The Catch because either there is one or he is one, it remains to be seen.

I had canceled on The Catch because something extremely tragic in The Ex's life which I won't talk about here because it's too sad and too serious to write about here. Anyway, to be there for The Ex I rearranged my whole schedule. I thought if the situation was reversed I would need and want to him to be with me. I found out quickly that The Ex didn't want or need me to help him get through this terrible time. I think this finally was what I needed to make me realize that this isn't the kind of boyfriend I need in my life. I want to be in a relationship in which the other person wants me around him when things are bad, good and everything in between. The Ex only wants me around when things are good and when I did finally see him and he said "It's just eaiser to be with my friends right now" he might as well said, "It's just easier to have you not so close to me." He's always been like this but it took this tragic event for it really to sink in. He's not a support system for me and he won't let me be a support system for him. We have always had the potential to be something great but I cannot and will not waste another day waiting for him to come around, grow up and for us to reach that potential. I'm starting to see that it probably won't ever happen. And now I have this looming trip to Florida. Do I cancel? Do I go down to end things once and for all? Again so much can happen in a week let alone a month, so as hastily as I booked the trip, I'm not going to hastily cancel the trip. When the trip gets closer hopefully I'll know what to do.

Back to The Catch. When I realized The Ex had no need for me to be around, I uncancelled the date with The Catch and we went for drinks at The Russell House, again at the suggestion of Blind Date (I don't think he realized by telling me it was a cool place I'd go on a date there with someone else). The place was great and I had another amazing date. Seriously, he's perfect and it's pissing me off. I told him this and he saw skeptic that I truly am. Although, I have been wondering maybe he's not perfect at all and any other person would be able to see his imperfections but I can't get past how amazingly good looking he is. I'm blinded by his gorgeousness.

As for me and my flaws, I told him about the blog! I think he was little weirded out about it to be honest but he kept a good attitude about it. He told me he was just going to keep asking, "Are you going to blog about this?" And telling him about my blog got me a kiss so good thing I told him about it! I told him he couldn't look for the blog or read and it he promised he wouldn't but only if I kissed him. No brainer! It was pretty adorable and a very sweet kiss.

As for my other issue I wanted to tell him about aka The Ex and my future trip to Florida, I tried to tell him, I really did. It just never quite got out. Next time, I swear, because there is going to be a next time! The Catch was even more adorable at the end of our date. I was headed to NYC for the weekend and he asked when I was getting back and I said Monday but not until late. And he said, "Well, I want to see you as soon as I can after Monday." I melted and said Tuesday, of course Tuesday. And if my life was a movie this song would have played, VIDEO CLIP TIME!:



And then I went home and gushed about him for hours to my roommate in good teenage fashion. I'm trying to not get too excited about him though because last week he wasn't in my life and next week he might be out of it again, who knows really. Okay, I'll be a little honest between The Musician, New Years Guy and Medicine Man all dissapearing just when I thought things were going good I'm a little burned and don't want to be burned off guard again.

So I headed to NYC for the weekend to visit my friends, a perfect way to not overthink things and get too excited about The Catch. Of course, a few days before I left for NYC, I thought it might be nice to let Hot Jersey Guy know about my upcoming visit. To be honest, my intentions were to try and hang out with him in a very innocent way. I wanted to just kind of stare at him and admire him like a trophy and say to myself, "Yeah, I did that." But by the time I met up with Hot Jersey Guy on Saturday night I had one too many drinks and it didn't take me long until I was making out with him in a bar. And it was all me. I have never been so forward in my life. I'm not sure what came over me. I think the combination of the fact that I haven't gotten any real action in awhile, I've been on a "look but don't touch" basis with The Catch - no easy task at all and I just find Hot Jersey Guy so freaking hot, I was all over that - real fast. And next thing I know, I'm in New Jersey. You know you're no longer a New Yorker when... you go to Jersey to get laid. But I have to say, on my train ride on the PATH back to Manhattan the next morning, I thought, "Yup, I did that. Again."

Cue the music please. VIDEO CLIP TIME 2:

When to stop omitting the truth

About two weeks ago I got a message from this guy on OKCupid. And his message started off kind of similar to most messages: I liked you profile, how long have you been in Boston - and then as if he caught himself mid-type he wrote: "You know, I'm going down the path that a zillion guys have probably gone down already. I don't want to be like them." And then he asked me what question have I not been asked but really want to be asked and stated that was the question he would ask. It was kind of charming so I did my usual thing. Checked his profile out. His pictures showed this Tom Brady look alike and his profile - well it is absolutely ridiculous. Ridiculous meaning, there is no way that this guy is serious. It talks about how he thinks the most intimate thing a woman and man could do was cook in the kitchen together. It says things like he wants to find a person he can do romantic things with on a regular basis and I just have to quote this: "Have you ever seen that couple staring into each other's eyes, knowing very well they wouldn't change a thing about where they are, or who they're with? Ya. I want that." Yup. Unbelievable. Kind of like these guys in VIDEO CLIP TIME:





So even though I didn't buy for a second that this Tom Brady look-alike, manly but gorgeous guy actually is sensitive, caring and romantic and was convinced his whole profile is a set up, a trap to lure girls in and he's actually a huge dick- despite all this, I message him back. I decide, however, to cut to the chase. I say something along the lines of: "If you really want to be different just ask me out, why do we have to do this back and forth on here when it's so much more fun to do it in person." He asks if I'd like to go out sometime, I say yes and then he does not reply back until 12 days later. When he finally does reply he writes as if no time has gone by and asks if I'm available over the weekend. And we make plans for a day date, which was yesterday.

How was it? It would be an understatement to say it went well. It was great. We had fun and it was a real, legitimate date. Not just drinks at some stupid bar. We met at Park Street and I almost didn't know what to do when I saw him. He was way better looking than his pictures and I felt like I was way out of my league. But he was super nice and right off the bat starting asking me questions about myself. We went to Starbucks and got coffee and then we headed to lunch. Now this part was hard. I didn't know where we were going for lunch and as we walked he said I was thinking Fajitas and 'Ritas and my heart sank - this happens to be where The Ex took me on our first date and the only times I've been there since have been with The Ex. But what was I suppose to say? No, I can't go there! That would have been totally awkward So, I quickly made a mental list of the reasons why this was completely different. We went to Starbucks first, it was the day and when I went with The Ex it was night, we sat in an entirely different place in the restaurant, I ordered steak fajitas instead of shrimp, we ordered separately instead of ordering fajitas for two, we were getting dessert afterward, and so on and so on.

Thanks to the list instead of having a meltdown I had a great time. He was not shy on the questions. I think the first question before our entrees came out was "What are you looking for?" I almost choked on my tortilla chip. Who asks that? And they kept coming He asked me if I had been in love, if I lived with a guy. And then he asked. "When was your last relationship?"

I stumbled through this answer. It went something like, "Um. Recently. Um. Well, I mean about 6 months ago. We broke up in, um, August. Yeah. August. You know, when I started going on the site. Um yeah." And then he either asked me another question or I changed the subject to be honest I think I almost fainted. But thankfully, we didn't dwell on this. I wasn't lying, The Ex and I broke up 6 months ago. I was just omitting the fact that about 2 weeks ago we slept together and about 1 week ago I booked tickets to go to Florida to visit him for 10 days in March....(no comment)

Anyway, the rest of the date was pretty wonderful. We finished lunch and walked through the park. We put our leftovers in his truck (a man with a truck is sexy, it just is) and then we walked to this little cafe on Newbury Street that somehow I never knew was there called L'Aroma Cafe & Bakery.  We sat talked about astrology over dessert. And then after dessert we walked back through the Public Garden and the Commons, past his car so he could walk me to the train. And before he left he got in a few compliments that made me melt and told me he'd really like to see me again.

And as I walked down the steps at the Park Street station I thought, "Holy Shit, could this guy really be for real?" Because it really did seem like he was a sexy, manly but sensitive, caring, funny gentleman. On the first date, I literally found no flaws. None. I mean he seemed honest and open, blunt and to the point without being to overbearing, he opened doors for me, laughed at my jokes, said he was extremely close with this older sister, has a GODDAMN BLACK LAB PUPPY NAMED LILY.  I could call this guy Mr. Perfect but instead I've decided to go with "WHAT-THE-FUCK-IS-THE-CATCH" guy? Or WTFiTC Guy.

So yea... amazing guy, amazing date. I wasn't ready for it. I also wasn't ready for this feeling: GUILT. I couldn't help but feel guilty. For TWO major reasons: 1. This blog. 2. The Ex. I haven't lied, yet, but I haven't told the truth about either of these things which I think are major things to know. But when do I stop omitting the truth? I mean I think it was okay to leave these things out on the first date. I wasn't sure how I felt about him and I didn't want him to have a first impression be the wrong impression. This blog and The Ex are a part of my life but it's not what defines me or my life. But still, I'm plagued by the question: Is omission really lying? I never had this problem with the 11 other people I met on online. I didn't really care if I was lying or not. And I know it was only one date but the guy brought his A game on his profile and then brought his A+ game on the date. So even if WTFiTC Guy happens to have a CRAZY catch that is a total deal breaker, I'm hooked for now and with a second date already lined up I'm nervous. Do I need to drop my catch or catches, as the case may be, on the second date?

I'm not afraid to tell him about the blog. I think if he's cool, he'll think it's funny and not be angry. Besides it's not like I go out with every single person that messages me. I don't date for the blog, I just happen to blog about my dating. Plus, it's kind of hard to get mad when I'm writing about how seemingly perfect he is, although he has to be okay with not reading it - at least for now. As for the The Ex part. That's a slippery slope that I can't help but think will end in a terrible crash landing. Why did WTFiTC Guy decide to show up AFTER I bought a $500 plane ticket for a 10 day vacation in Florida with The Ex- WTF, WTFiTC Guy?!? FML. -Sorry I just couldn't help that.

I feel really torn do I reveal the truth or keep on avoiding it? My gut says say something and if he's really as perfect as he seems to be he'll understand. So, I have 4 days to find the confidence to think I'm still a catch despite my catch(es) I haven't told him about. I'm just hoping he tells me what the catch with him is first.


To be continued.... in the mean time, an 80s song about lies - this video is incredible so please enjoy VIDEO CLIP TIME 2!!:

It's not you, it's me. Well, maybe it's you...

After realizing how awesome I am at dating, I decided to get back out there! I went on a date on Thursday, and oh man, it was a doozy! And since it was just Groundhog's Day last week - VIDEO CLIP TIME:

Groundhog Day might be my favorite movie - ever. I should update my OkCupid profile.

Alright back to my date. We hadn't talked that much over messages but I did learn he was a "beer snob." His words, not mine - in retrospect, this was a sign for things to come. Since he was a "beer snob" and he asked if I wanted to meet somewhere near where I lived, I picked Lord Hobo. Lord Hobo is definitely a place I thought worthy of a beer snob. Also, I REALLY like Lord Hobo and the last time I was here I went with The Hipster (click here to watch that wonderful Hipster video clip). That date with The Hipster was so bad, I decided I would try the same date location again. And the date was GREAT but....

But my date, The Promo Guy, well I'm 95% sure he's not straight and he's very much in denial about it. Even I tried to be in denial about it for the first 5 minutes.

The first sign was he was really flamboyant. I mean really. He did just spend two years in LA and I've heard guys are more feminine out there, but it was a little more intense then just feminine.

And I know I have said a few different times that the guys I met from OkCupid and went on dates with gave off a gay vibe but this, this was different. I didn't really think the other guys were gay, I was just turned off by gay vibe they gave off. I really believe Promo Guy is gay. And the biggest sign that made me believe this was  kept reminding me how much he liked girls. For example, we were talking about scary movies and how there is always an unnecessary naked girl scene and quickly, he says, "Well, you know, I like it, because I'm a guy." And he said something similar to this about five different times on five different topics. It drove me crazy but as the date went on and he turned out to be real great guy, I just felt more and more bad for him.

Although, within the first five minutes of our date, I was kind of pissed. I was like great, I have to sit here with this guy who's clearly in the closet and pretend we're having a really great time. Therefore, I tried to make excuses. As he continued to plead with me he was straight I finally switched the way I looked at the night. In my head I turned the switch from "potential date or guy to be interested in" to "potential gay best friend" and then the date went great. He was an AWESOME gay best friend. He laughed at all my jokes, we talked about how hard it was to eat healthy - he once ate 5 Little Debbie cupcakes in one day but how could he not eat them, they were free! He works on promotional tours which are the people you see on your city streets giving shit out for free. He's a step above those people that give you shit for free, he's hires and manages those people. Hence why he had so many Little Debbies at his disposal.

So yeah, we had a great time but if he's going to keep on pretending he's straight he's barking up the wrong tree. Love my gay guys, but not that much.

As we parted ways, I swear he sent out jazz hands in order to bring me in for a hug. I laughed, hugged him and walked away, thinking I'd never see him again. You see though, when he when he texted me  the next day to tell me how much fun he had and that he wanted to hang out again soon, I was torn. We had a blast and I do want to hang out with him again but I don't want to feed his denial or lead him on. I asked a few friends and  they all were torn too. Eventually, I gave in and said yes, we could hang out again. For the inner psychoanalysis in me, I need to get to the source of why he can't come out. He grew up in Massachusetts, went to Emerson College for production, moved to LA - all of these places very gay friendly places. He's also 25 years old and it's 2011! To be fair, however, I'm not sure he knows its 2011 either because....

And this was probably the worst part of my date. He had...


AN EARRING!!! A tiny hoop!!! Really?!?!! What guy has had a tiny hoop earring since the 90s?! Guess that could be his argument for not being gay- his total lack of fashion sense! I really couldn't stop starring at it. It was so hideous and reminded me of Vanilla Ice or the New Kids on the Block. And yes, I love the 90s, but there are some things that happened in the 90s that should stay in the 90s. Number one thing that happened in the 90s that should stay in the 90s: WHITE GUYS WITH HOOP EARRINGS. Really, it was terrible then and it's even worse today.









Of course, I can't mention New Kids on the Block without posting (another) VIDEO CLIP TIME:

The Dating Game

Not much has changed in the last week, except my attitude. I've realized that like any good resolution, I followed mine for about a good week or so and then totally stopped. This was supposed to be the year of no expectations! It only took two weeks into the new year and all of a sudden I was back to having expectations. I expected something, anything, from basic strangers!And well, that set me up for total disaster. Not that I'm blaming myself for New Years Guy and Medicine Man for disappearing and being total lame guys but if I had gone into both situations with truly no expectations I don't think I would have been nearly as bummed out about it.

Like I said, my attitude is much different as I write this entry. I did a number of things to get me out of the funk I was in last week. First, I called The Ex, he came over, we made dinner together, he slept over and it felt like the old days - and even though it's not the old days and it can't be the old days, it was nice to pretend for the night. I then set up a date for Thursday with The Ex which went terribly wrong at the end of the night that left me screaming "HAVE FUN IN FLORIDA!" and slamming the car door in his face. I actually thought that this was going to be the last thing I ever said to him. That set me back a couple of days, funk-wise, but then I went to dinner with Kaitlin at Zoe's in Harvard Square. And I had sweet potato pancakes AMAZING. Sorry, this isn't a food blog although maybe it should be because eating and sleeping is pretty much what  I did the rest of the weekend. I woke up Sunday morning feeling refreshed and full. And then I realized I needed to call The Ex because again, I really thought he was just going to leave for Florida without saying Goodbye. I guess we'll never know if he would have just left but luckily he I called and came over Sunday night with ice cream and daisies to apologize for his ass-like behavior. We ended things on a good note - maybe too good and I should be depressed, crying like a baby but somehow I feel okay about things. I guess it's because I'm dumb and I truly believe I'm Carrie Bradshaw incarnate (it doesn't help that E! is now airing reruns of the Sex and the City either).

Anyway, I'm out of my funk and saying the word funk has obviously made me think of VIDEO CLIP TIME (Probably because I've worked/watched the Donkey Show one too many times):



Oh, Disco!

Since I was in a funk last week and pretty much benched myself from dating because of it, I was getting pretty down on myself for sucking at the dating game. I finally realized I was being too hard on myself! And I looked back at the last 5 months and actually, I'm pretty damn good at the dating game.

First of all, in the last 5 months, I've met 10 different people from OkCupid and since I went out on 5 dates with The Animator and 3 with Medicine Man (And I am counting the awkward double date with Andrea and his brother as a date) that equals 16 dates in 5 months! That's an average of 3.2 a month not bad - BUT - this doesn't include The Ex, The Musician, Hot Jersey Guy OR New Years Guy. Although I only went on one "real" date with The Musician, I'm going to count all the times we hung out which actually turns out to be 12 times, and I'm shocked at that number I really thought it was about 5 or 6 times total (woops). And I'm going to count 1 for Hot Jersey Guy and 2 for New Years Guy (since there was 2 awkward mornings). For The Ex, I'm going to have to estimate here, if The Musician was 12 in 5 months, I'm going to have to say 24 for The Ex. So, that's a total of 39 dates in 5 months making my average 7.8 dates per month - that's almost 2 dates per week!!


And if we pretend I'm a professional dater meaning my work week is 5 days instead of 7, that's 100 days of potential dates which you may say well 39 dates in 100 days is really only a 39% rate not great BUT I'm a big baseball fan. And I see those 100 potential dates as my "up to bats," making my batting average .390! Which is crazy! I'm like the Ty Cobb of dating. Okay, maybe this last part was a stretch but it beats being the Debbie Downer of Dating. So, I'm looking upward and onward! It's a new month and I think I'm ready to get back into the dating game!