Should I stay or should I go?

Believe it or not but today marks the 6 month anniversary of Point. Click. Date. !!! And I have a very special Anniversary Video Clip time brought to you by the Huxtables - VIDEO CLIP TIME:

Six months. And I've pointed a ton, clicked even more but I have only met twelve lucky guys from OKCupid. 

According to all the match.com commercials, 1 out of 5 relationships start online so remember the post I did about statistics, The Dating Game? Well, according to these statistics I actually suck at dating. Or maybe this means I should have been on match.com this whole time.

Or...


Do I even dare say it? Maybe, for me, it's 1 out of 12 people you meet online will turn into a relationship. As nervous as it makes me to admit this, The Catch could actually turn into something that at least comes close to resembling a relationship if not turn into one. It's a big statement I know. We've only been on four dates but I literally find myself looking and looking for flaws and trying to point them out to myself. Things like he changes the subject to fast, he talks in this ridiculous voice to his puppy  - but really? Who am I kidding these flaws are not deal breakers - not even close. And all the good qualities, well there pretty good. And all this means well, I really like him. And I'll go out a limb here and say the feeling is mutual.

So, we'll see. Unfortunately, given my track record in the last 6 months there have only been three guys I got excited about and all three completely went MIA as soon as I got excited. So, it's hard for me to really think that The Catch, as perfect as he may be, won't just be a catch and disappear just like all the others did. The awesome thing is I actually told him about this fear. He told me he wasn't the type to do that - and because I'm a fan of the American legal system I'll believe he's innocent until proven guilty.

I ALSO told him about The Ex!! I told him about the dragging on of the break up and my impending trip to Florida to visit The Ex - all of it! Of course, he asked why I didn't just change/cancel the flight and I didn't get into it but I said although I might shorten it I was hoping to really go down there to give myself closure. And after that the reaction was not quite what I expected. He said something along the lines of: "Well, I think the only solution to this is that you stay the night." I almost spit my wine in his face. I wasn't sure why that was his reaction. Did it mean we should just sleep together because he wanted to make sure he got that in before I left for Florida? Or did he want me to stay the night so he could convince me for an entire night why going to Florida is a bad idea? Or was it something completely different or really bizarre? It was really none of the above, I'm not sure I still REALLY understand his reasoning but after going to The Living Room and having another glass of wine and some kissing on the couch (yes I was sober and yes I was actually okay with kissing in public - weird I KNOW!)  the answer was yes, yes I should go to his house and stay the night.

We went to his house, made dinner with his roommates and just hung out. Nothing more than kissing happened when we went to bed and overall it was a really awesome night. He drove me home the next morning and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

Until...

I called The Ex - before your shake your head at me I called BECAUSE he called me drunk at 4 in the morning. Oh yea, it was awesome when I got two phone calls back to back while sleeping at The Catch's house. It totally supported my earlier statements that going down to Florida would be strictly friendly and to ends things -NOPE, No it didn't. I think The Catch was really put off by it but because I'm the most awkward person in the world I think he realized that I wasn't happy about the phone call or expecting it.


So yes, I called The Ex to see if he was okay because I could barely make out his voicemails. The conversation was going fine until he asked...."What did you do last night?" I thought about what I did, knew I couldn't say it, blanked and stumbled over words and said something like, "Ummm I just hung out?" And then I tried to cover this statement or something by saying, "I met someone who knows Laura (one of his best friend's fiancé)." And that's when he went ballistic, asked if I took this guy home and then said other really terrible things and proceeded to hang up. He then only would communicate with me via text until 11:30pm at night when he picked up the phone and said he wasn't going to talk because it was too late. Mind you, two days prior to this insane behavior The Ex called me, surprise DRUNK, and yelled at me for about two-three hours and told me how horrible I was to him.

And the question everyone has an answer for but me: Should I stay or should I go? Cue the music - VIDEO CLIP TIME 2!:



I know the answer is no. I know I should just cancel it, eat the change/cancel fee, try and plan something else that does NOT involve The Ex for another time -  I know this. I get THIS. Not only should I not go, I should not WANT to do. But, despite everything that's happened, I just don't think I can not go. I don't want to go down there to mess around and prolong this break up even more, I'm serious when I say this. I don't even want to sleep in the same bed with him let alone sleep with him. But, I do want to see him. I truly want to go down there to end things face to face, once and for all. I just don't think it will feel the same over the phone. I honestly know that after I see him, I can't talk to him again so I'd like to have one last time where we are actually being civil to one another and are enjoying each others company - as friends and friends alone. Maybe if I see that we can act like friends that one day that's what we'll really be. Maybe it's too idealistic of me and going down there will be an even worse version of the past two phone calls I've had with The Ex but I think I'll regret it if I don't try to end things on a good note.

All together now: I'm. An. Idiot.

But then I get a text message: "I'm heading to bed. Thought I'd say goodnight...."

I might be an idiot but I'm an idiot that gets a goodnight text message from someone I think is a catch.