Bad Life Decisions

Last entry, I introduced the phrase “bad life decision.” Well, this seems to be the phase I’m going through in my life right now. You might have noticed this already, however, like when I let The Musician come over in the middle of the night or when I not only went over to the The Musician’s in the middle of the night but I HITCHHIKED. Yea. I’m not making good life decisions, but I can say that I'm having a hell of a lot of fun. And as my wise friend Kaitlin told me “if you never make a bad decision you're super boring, and no one wants to be boring! So here's to being interesting!” Cheers, Kaitlin, Cheers.

So, I ended with the last entry with a “teaser.” Drunk at 11:00pm, I thought it was a good idea to call The Ex-Boyfriend. Well, he didn’t pick up, PHEW.

Of course, that’s not where the story ends. He calls me the next night while I’m in the movies. He’s been in California, interviewing for jobs. I get the voicemail after I get out of the movie and THANK GOD I was with Kaitlin. If I had been on a date, this would have been super awkward. I listen to the message and he tells me he got a job and is moving to California. And all of a sudden, I’m not okay. And then, I’m crying. And then, I need wine. I don’t know what came over me but I couldn’t handle the idea of him being across the country. I talked to my friend, Liz, the next day and she made sense of it for me. There is a comfort in having him nearby – even if I never hang out with him, I can if I want! Having him in California, I can’t see him on a whim. Also, it finalizes the breakup. When he leaves, it’s over, for good. It slams the last 2.5 years of my life shut.

We played a great game of phone tag and then the next day after I was full of brunch and mimosas, he calls me. We catch up. I tell him how my class went (I’m taking a class! I thought it would help with my boy obsession – it’s not helping, at least not yet but I’ve only had 2 classes) and he told me about his job. And we made plans to hang out later in the week when he was back.

About a half hour later, he calls me back asking for an odd request. My heart sinks into my stomach and I have no idea what he is going to ask. He asks if he can stay over sometime in the week. I immediately don’t know what to say. Something inside me is like OF COURSE but the rational part is like FUCK YOU. I tell him I have to think about it and for him to call me when he gets back.

He took this very literally. He called me at 7:45am when he landed. And he asks me not only if he can sleepover that night but the entire week. And when he asks again, if he can sleepover that at least tonight, one night, I say: I guess. Because that’s what I say when I mean yes but know that I should say no….

And he does sleep over that night, which is Monday. And he sleeps over Tuesday and Thursday. And all I am going to say about it is: Why the hell is post-breakup sex SO amazing? Yeah. So, I had a pretty good Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

And the only way I can explain my bad life decision is really lame –especially because this will be my SECOND Sex & the City reference – but here I go:

My whole relationship with The Ex-Boy Friend has been breaking up and then coming back together. And all I can compare it to is…. Get ready here is the lameness that is me: Carrie and Big. But, I'm serious. No matter how many times Big is an asshole she ALWAYS goes back to him, and you sit there shouting at the damn TV "ARE YOU AN IDIOT CARRIE BRADSHAW?" And she is, and so am I, but we have the inability to say no to this one guy... Well, in Sex & the City, Big moves to Nappa – VIDEO CLIP TIME:




Anyway, I guess this is the part when The Ex-Boyfriend moves to California. So, maybe this means I'll meet a really old Russian man and fall in love. But, don't worry I don't think I'll move to Paris and have to be rescued by The Ex. That's just silly.

In reality, I know that sleeping with him this last week is just my way of saying goodbye for good. When he leaves for CA, it’s over, it’s done. Besides, it's pretty hard to keep accidentally hooking up and dragging things on when someone is across the country, 3 hours behind you... The Ex-Boyfriend will literally and figuratively be in the past.

That’s if he actually goes. It’s a week later when I’m writing all of this and well he hasn’t gotten the official offer. Sigh.

To back track a bit, the Musician had a party. I acted very awkward because we hadn’t seen each other in 10 days and in the last 4 days I’d been busy or at least getting busy with The Ex. I didn’t even know if he was still interested even though I did get an invite to his party. When my friends were leaving, I straight up asked him: Do you want me to stay? And when he said yes, I stayed. And drank. A LOT. And slept over, and stuff happened, and we got brunch the next day. And he holds my hand and it’s cute.

And then that night I go on a date with The Ex. And I wake up the next morning in a terrible mood. Extremely ready to tell The Ex AND The Musician that I want nothing to do with him. Neither of these relationships are good decisions or going anywhere. What the hell is ht point?? Instead, I ask The Musician to hang out with me. And he comes over,  we hang out and asks if he’s allowed to sleep over (if one more guy asks me to sleep over, I swear). And he sleeps over, however, he doesn’t even attempt to kiss me. Not ONE physical thing happens between the two of us. Leaving me confused, a bit ticked off and did I mention confused. Did he really think I just wanted to hang out and talk? What does he want? I've been drinking wine while writing this entry, should I call him and ask?

Boys, bad life decisions – too bad it’s not lent or that I'm a practicing Catholic, I really need to give both up for AT LEAST 40 days.