Let’s recap a bit shall we? The Scientist and I went on ONE date and ONE date only. I had a mediocre time but thought maybe I’d give him a second chance. Upon arriving home after our date - meaning within the hour after our date was over – he texts me (TEXT NUMBER ONE) telling me how great a time he had and that we should hang out soon. “Soon” – this is the red flag that I ignored. Now I will give you a play by play of the text messages he sent after this day (The date and the “soon” text message were on a Saturday):
SUNDAY: He behaves himself and doesn’t contact me on Sunday.
MONDAY: I told him I was moving on Monday. Mid-afternoon he sends me TEXT NUMBER TWO, asking me how my move went. Well, since I wasn’t moving that evening, it hasn’t happened yet, I tell him this. Later that evening, TEXT NUMBER THREE, how did the move go?? I ignore it.
TUESDAY: I’m sick, running around buying paint and moving the last piece of furniture into my apartment. TEXT NUMBER FOUR: Are you done moving? Do you want to hang out? I tell him I’m sick, I won’t be done getting my apartment set up until Thursday and then I go away Friday so I’m not sure I’ll be around until the following week. He sends me a text back - TEXT NUMBER FIVE- asking when I’ll be home. Not until Tuesday, I lie.
WEDNESDAY: TEXT NUMBER SIX – asking me how the painting is going. Seriously, Scientist, I’m starting not to be able to breathe.
THURSDAY: TEXT NUMBER SEVEN – asking me how work is. VOICEMAIL at 5:15PM “Hey Katie, What’s up, it’s me (it’s me?? Yes, I know my phone tells me it’s you but I don’t know you well enough for you to say “it’s me – this really bothers me, probably more than it should). I was just wondering what you are up to, seeing if you are still sick and if you’re done moving and everything. I duno. Mumble,mumble. Hope work went well today, give me a call when you get this.” Later that evening, maybe an hour or so later, TEXT NUMBER EIGHT: What’s up? He calls AGAIN around 10pm that I get when I’m out at a gallery show opening with The Musician and my friend Kaitlin. Although it’s rude to The Musician, I shove my phone in Kaitlin’s face and scream STALKER. She laughs – not funny Kaitlin! Ok, yeah, it is pretty funny.
FRIDAY: I’m officially away in Milwaukee. He sends me TEXT NUMBER NINE AND TEN. One is a picture of some fat lady at a concert that everyone is staring in horror at. The other is apologizing; he meant to send that to someone else. YEA maybe if you didn’t text me so much you wouldn’t have by accidently sent this inappropriate photo to me. I don’t text him that, I just ignore him.
SATURDAY – MONDAY: FREEDOM
TUEDAY: 8:15AM TEXT NUMBER ELEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, those many exclamations points are necessary. If I told him I was coming back from Milwaukee on Tuesday, why the FUCK (Yes, this fuck is necessary) would I be home at 8:15am?? That means my flight would have been at 5:15am. Hello? Common sense anyone? The fact that I actually came in the night before, have the day off and I’m SLEEPING IN, this pisses me off even MORE that he’s texting me at 8:15AM!!! Congratulations, Scientist, you have just been promoted to STALKER. So, the text message says: Hey. Are u back? How was your trip? I wake up to this stupid text message, throw my phone across my room and go back to bed.
10:09 AM: TEXT NUMBER TWELVE: “Ok well I guess you’re ignoring me. I had a good time with you I thought you did too but if you don’t want to see me again that’s fine but that’s a pretty immature way of sending a message.”
All I can say is WOW, get confused why he doesn’t use any punctuation and then copy and paste this into an email to Kaitlin. I want to just ignore him but I have to let him know how much of a crazy person he is. Therefore, 40 minutes later at 10:49am, I respond: “Wow. I’m still away [LIE]. I told you I’d talk to you when I got back. But all your texts are a little much and I think it’d be best if we didn’t hang out again.”
He responds pretty much less than a minute later, TEXT NUMBER THIRTEEN “Hmm sorry I’m just a little insecure… [Really? I hadn’t noticed at all thanks for clearing that up Stalker] all I sent were 3 texts [3? Try 12, 13 if you count this one] but hadn’t heard back in 5 days… ok if u feel that way
And just like that my first OKCupid inspired relationship is over. And you think that’s where it would end right?? Well, this morning (2 weeks after the first date) I log in to OKCupid find a message from The Stalker sent late Friday night (3 days after the thirteenth text)! Seriously, people, I could not make this shit up!
“hey I’m not usually the person who first admits they’re wrong but I’m sorry for acting like such a psycho I don’t blame you for not wanting to see me again after I sent you that crazy text. It’s a long story but my ex left me with some serious trust issues. I shouldn’t have let it get to me and done this to you.”
I’m not sure what my favorite part of this message is. Is it the fact that he admits he was a psycho? Is it the fact he still isn’t using punctuation? Or is it the part where he tells me he has trust issues? I think it may be the trust issues part because what does his trust issues have to do with me? We went on A date, ONE date. UNO. UN. Did he think that meant that we were exclusive? And that we needed to talk every day and that my not responding his every dumb text message was me betraying his trust?!? If so, that’s hilarious.
All I can say, is I’m glad he knows he’s crazy. Unfortunately, I don’t have time for crazy.
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