Now you all know that I started this blog after a major breakup with an ex who hasn't really ever left the picture. What you don't know is that I am a serial monogamist. Stop laughing, I'm quite serious.
I had my first "serious" boyfriend my junior year of high school when I was 15 years old. Serious is in quotes because I don't believe high school relationships can really be serious and it creeps me out a bit when people end up with their high school sweetheart without having some major 5-10 year break. Anyways, by no means was this boyfriend a sweetheart. He had his moments but what I remember most is him being a raging psycho. Anyway, we dated a little over a year and about a month after we ended things for good I entered my longest relationship. For the very end of my senior year of high school and for my entire college career I dated the same guy. For 4.5 years I had this extremely epic relationship that I wasn't really ready for. For most of the first 2 years it was long distance and then the last year we lived together. For most of the relationship we were either extremely happy or extremely miserable. Despite the really miserable moments, I seriously thought I was going to marry him and the thought of that makes me shudder. I'm still close with his family, it was that kind of serious relationship. And after that, I should have been single for a year or seven but only 4 months later I was with The Ex.
So, you see, I've never really, truly been single. I can't even count these last 4 months because The Ex has been so in and out. And the times when The Ex was not in the picture in the lat 4 months and I truly believed he wasn't coming back in, I was kind of terrified of being single. I was actually just getting used to being single when The Ex had the major meltdown after the Hot Jersey Guy drama weekend. What I wouldn't get into last entry was basically that The Ex ended up saying things to me that I had so badly wanted to hear for 2.5 years. The angry feminist in me said, "Too little, too late." And between sobs I did say this to The Ex when he confessed all these feelings -which were all feelings I suspected he had but never knew for certain. Letting it really marinate for about a week, the girl who only read/watched fairy tales and played with Barbie surfaced. And well, it's VIDEO CLIP TIME (WHY, WHY, was this song popular?):
Oh. The 90s!
Anyway, long story short, I'm not back with The Ex but we've been hanging out (and seriously just hanging out) and the possibility of getting back together is there. He's trying really hard, he wants me to be his girlfriend again and I have to keep reminding him I'm not. His efforts should be convincing or at the very least seen as sweet, but for some reason it feels really smothering.
The part of me that really loves him and always will, wants to forget about the last 4 months and go back to the relationship we had. But is that even doable? Not to mention the serial monogamist in me sees some real benefit of just being in a relationship and not having to worry about dating. Yet, this time around and the little time I have had being single has kind have been a lot of fun. It's be interesting meeting different people and not having any obligations. It's been liberating being able to be selfish and only have to think about my schedule. And yeah, it gets hard when you have an event to go to and you don't have anyone to bring or when you find yourself without plans on Friday and none of your friends can hang out last minute because they are with their boyfriend or girlfriend. But, I don't know, being single makes you really step back and figure out what it is that makes you happy regardless if there is someone special in your life or not. It also provides wonderful entertainment - I mean look at how wildly entertaining this blog is - all thanks to single life!
So, to be single or not to be? That's the question and it's a toss up. I really do feel torn despite my contradictory actions which include figuring out how to spend New Years Eve in NYC (and therefore a possibility of ringing in the New Year with... you get one guess) and two nights this weeks after a few glasses of wine I've texted The Musician - which is a whole other story, for a whole other blog entry, but let's just say we may or may not hang out next Tuesday.
There is much to think about, dear readers, which brings up another point. I feel an obligation to my readers around the world, yes, the WORLD (at least according to google)!! Thanks of course to my US readers but I have to give Canada, UK, Germany, Russia, Israel, Croatia and Denmark a special shout out: Thank you! Danke! Spasiba! Toda Raba! Hvala! Mange tak! And please keep reading!
I had my first "serious" boyfriend my junior year of high school when I was 15 years old. Serious is in quotes because I don't believe high school relationships can really be serious and it creeps me out a bit when people end up with their high school sweetheart without having some major 5-10 year break. Anyways, by no means was this boyfriend a sweetheart. He had his moments but what I remember most is him being a raging psycho. Anyway, we dated a little over a year and about a month after we ended things for good I entered my longest relationship. For the very end of my senior year of high school and for my entire college career I dated the same guy. For 4.5 years I had this extremely epic relationship that I wasn't really ready for. For most of the first 2 years it was long distance and then the last year we lived together. For most of the relationship we were either extremely happy or extremely miserable. Despite the really miserable moments, I seriously thought I was going to marry him and the thought of that makes me shudder. I'm still close with his family, it was that kind of serious relationship. And after that, I should have been single for a year or seven but only 4 months later I was with The Ex.
So, you see, I've never really, truly been single. I can't even count these last 4 months because The Ex has been so in and out. And the times when The Ex was not in the picture in the lat 4 months and I truly believed he wasn't coming back in, I was kind of terrified of being single. I was actually just getting used to being single when The Ex had the major meltdown after the Hot Jersey Guy drama weekend. What I wouldn't get into last entry was basically that The Ex ended up saying things to me that I had so badly wanted to hear for 2.5 years. The angry feminist in me said, "Too little, too late." And between sobs I did say this to The Ex when he confessed all these feelings -which were all feelings I suspected he had but never knew for certain. Letting it really marinate for about a week, the girl who only read/watched fairy tales and played with Barbie surfaced. And well, it's VIDEO CLIP TIME (WHY, WHY, was this song popular?):
Oh. The 90s!
Anyway, long story short, I'm not back with The Ex but we've been hanging out (and seriously just hanging out) and the possibility of getting back together is there. He's trying really hard, he wants me to be his girlfriend again and I have to keep reminding him I'm not. His efforts should be convincing or at the very least seen as sweet, but for some reason it feels really smothering.
The part of me that really loves him and always will, wants to forget about the last 4 months and go back to the relationship we had. But is that even doable? Not to mention the serial monogamist in me sees some real benefit of just being in a relationship and not having to worry about dating. Yet, this time around and the little time I have had being single has kind have been a lot of fun. It's be interesting meeting different people and not having any obligations. It's been liberating being able to be selfish and only have to think about my schedule. And yeah, it gets hard when you have an event to go to and you don't have anyone to bring or when you find yourself without plans on Friday and none of your friends can hang out last minute because they are with their boyfriend or girlfriend. But, I don't know, being single makes you really step back and figure out what it is that makes you happy regardless if there is someone special in your life or not. It also provides wonderful entertainment - I mean look at how wildly entertaining this blog is - all thanks to single life!
So, to be single or not to be? That's the question and it's a toss up. I really do feel torn despite my contradictory actions which include figuring out how to spend New Years Eve in NYC (and therefore a possibility of ringing in the New Year with... you get one guess) and two nights this weeks after a few glasses of wine I've texted The Musician - which is a whole other story, for a whole other blog entry, but let's just say we may or may not hang out next Tuesday.
There is much to think about, dear readers, which brings up another point. I feel an obligation to my readers around the world, yes, the WORLD (at least according to google)!! Thanks of course to my US readers but I have to give Canada, UK, Germany, Russia, Israel, Croatia and Denmark a special shout out: Thank you! Danke! Spasiba! Toda Raba! Hvala! Mange tak! And please keep reading!
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