All I want for Christmas is.....

Mostly, all I want for Christmas is this damn snow to stop falling and ruining my plans to host a party this evening. But, I guess that isn't what this post is really about.

So, via twitter (@PointClickDate follow me!) I have started to see there is a whole community of us single people writing about the trials, tribulations and hilarity that happens in dating life. In learning how to tweet and follow people, I started actually reading a lot of these great blogs. And then I stumbled upon Jeffreyplatts.com and I read this post: Wanna find love? Let go of the banana.

Are you keeping a few friends or acquaintances on your radar as potential hookups or relationship material?

Is your ex on your backup list?

These first two questions that open up Jeffrey Platts' blog entry made my stomach sink and I felt like a total idiot. I'm keeping both The Musician and The Ex around mostly for comfort. And yes, there is the argument that I am  not looking for love right now! I'm not looking to be in my next serious relationship. But let's be honest folks, eventually I will be and the longer I randomly text and hang out with The Musician and the longer I keep The Ex in the picture, the longer I'll be on the non-dating scene. And I'm starting to wonder what is out there. Maybe the reason I don't want a relationship is because I'm hanging around with guys who I don't want to have a relationship with.

So I  guess, all I want for Christmas to go back to single life and date new people. Unfortunately, I think this is easier said than done.

First matter of business, probably deleting The Musician's phone number out of my cell phone because I'm known to drunk-text him. Really, I just need to stop the random hookups with him because 1. they're not even that great, to be honest they're kind of boring 2. I'm the one who seeks out these random hook ups and remember what Kaitlin said months ago? I'm a league above The Musician and whether I really believe that or not I'm going to pretend that it's true in which case I should not be seeking him out, he should be seeking me out. It's embarrassing and I need to stop.

Not calling or texting The Musician easy, DONE and DONE. What's not so easy is having the conversation with The Ex to let him know we also need to be done. What makes it a little easier is I know he knows it's coming. We've hung out a bunch but I have been distant. He's even slept over and we have barely kissed or even cuddled. It's so hard because I do love him and I want us to work out because I know how good we were and how good we can be. Unfortunately, our last break up broke my heart no matter how much I tell myself it didn't. I'm not mad or angry but I can't pretend it didn't happen. And I think the only way I can really get over everything is to be away from him. Since we broke up, The Ex has never really been that far away. I think the most we went without talking was a week. I think I need some serious space, which I don't really know if I'm capable of doing but I have to try. Like Jeffrey Platts said, I need to let go of the banana! It's not going to be easy but it has to be done.

Well, my last few blog entries have been kind of somber, and I apologize. My dating life and my humor have been pretty non-existent making this blog really irrelevant. It looks though, dear readers, that with the New Year there will be new adventures and I'm sure there will have to be some funny things that happen! So, stay tuned!!!! And of course, I already have some people in mind to have new adventures with! The Nonprofiteer, The Actor, The Sailor and The Firefighter are all possible characters in the upcoming year!

And of course it wouldn't be Christmas without VIDEO CLIP TIME!! (Who doesn't like this Christmas song?? And also this is my favorite rendition of this song. This video was done in 2008 by A.R.T. Front of House staff A.K.A some of my favorite people in the world!!):

FAIL. EPIC FAIL.

Well, my grad class is officially over and I think I passed that! As for my personal life? Well, I'll let you all ultimately be the judge.

Since it's been 10 days (first fail, I can't even keep up with my own damn blog) I'll recap my last entry.  I've been debating whether or not to be single or not. And the struggle hasn't gotten any easier.

As I wrote in the last entry I was texting The Musician and I made plans to hang out after my last class. I didn't really think we'd hang out and I'm serious about this. I thought he'd forget and that would be that. Well, he didn't forget. He actually tried to plan a date, it was super awkward but I reminded him I had class and pretty much all I wanted to do was drink considering I had spent the last three days writing a paper.

We met at Tavern in the Square in Porter which is literally underneath where my class was located. And we actually had a really fun time. We laughed, we talked, we drank. He told me about his ex-girlfriend getting roofied once and then after his story, I stared at him and said, "Mmm, I don't think she was roofied." And he was like no, she did blah blah blah and I was still like, "Mmm, no, I'm not sure about that. Doesn't really sound like she got roofied to me." Sometimes, I'm a brat and I'm honest about that. And when he was clearly driving me home after the bar I thought oh shit, because I said his ex-girlfriend didn't get roofied he doesn't even want to make out with me anymore. But, as we drove to my apartment and then passed it, he asked "Is there parking around here?" UM WAY TO INVITE YOURSELF OVER MUSICIAN.

And I did call him out on it and that was funny, at least for me. So, we get to my apartment and head to my room. And then things got real awkward, real fast. He sat across the room from me until I was like why are you so far away? And then he sat at the end of my bed until I was like why are you still far away? Then he was close but still he made no move. We talked for literally a million hours and for a moment or two I thought, "I shouldn't sleep with him anyway because I'm confused about what I want and this will just make things more confusing. I will NOT make a move." But, then I quickly decided that was a DUMB idea and made a move. More because I wanted to make the whole night of talking worth it because really talking is for relationships and the whole point of hanging out with The Musician was to actively get away from a relationship. DUH.

On Tuesday, I was clearly interested in being single but in the same breath maybe I'm failing at being single too. I say this because for the rest of the week after my night with The Musician, the only person I saw was The Ex. He monopolized my weekend and I'm not sure how I feel about that. We had a lot of fun but how am I really supposed to know if being single is really what I want if I don't live my weekends or at least part of my weekends like a single girl?

I don't know. I just don't. I'm at a loss. Another fail.

Luckily, I'm not the only failure at life. To make myself feel better and to make you laugh I'm going to share with you a couple of messages I got on OKCupid that I'd call an EPIC, EPIC FAILURE:

Subject: You're Awesome
Message: You seem like an awesome girl. I like that you're into reading. I'm a huge early American history buff so I'm usually working on a good book. I also like the foods you have listed. I make amazing burritos. For me it's all about practice. My parents made them for us when I was young and I've been perfecting my technique from there. It would be fun to make them for you sometime. I'd love to get some ice cream with you (might be a little late for ice cream but we can try). Would you like to talk sometime?

Subject: The timing in tacos
Message:  So the eclectic nature in your banter made me think about of a good taco, and how much it's about good timing you want the taco hot and crisp, the lettuce fresh and the salsa picante even fresher. Rather random way to think of it , but 33 so I assume you count repeating the same task the remaining 66? I'd forget or leave things with friends that I'd go back and get. Has happened pretty much anyways, what countries have you visited?

What I really want to know is were these guys serious?! Did they really think I'd message them back? C'mon.

Even better though, VIDEO CLIP TIME!! And is THIS guy serious?? You're really in for a treat this week everyone:

To be single? Or not to be.....?

Now you all know that I started this blog after a major breakup with an ex who hasn't really ever left the picture. What you don't know is that I am a serial monogamist. Stop laughing, I'm quite serious.

I had my first "serious" boyfriend my junior year of high school when I was 15 years old. Serious is in quotes because I don't believe high school relationships can really be serious and it creeps me out a bit when people end up with their high school sweetheart without having some major 5-10 year break. Anyways, by no means was this boyfriend a sweetheart. He had his moments but what I remember most is him being a raging psycho. Anyway, we dated a little over a year and about a month after we ended things for good I entered my longest relationship. For the very end of my senior year of high school and for my entire college career I dated the same guy. For 4.5 years I had this extremely epic relationship that I wasn't really ready for. For most of the first 2 years it was long distance and then the last year we lived together. For most of the relationship we were either extremely happy or extremely miserable. Despite the really miserable moments, I seriously thought I was going to marry him and the thought of that makes me shudder. I'm still close with his family, it was that kind of serious relationship. And after that, I should have been single for a year or seven but only 4 months later I was with The Ex.

So, you see, I've never really, truly been single. I can't even count these last 4 months because The Ex has been so in and out. And the times when The Ex was not in the picture in the lat 4 months and I truly believed he wasn't coming back in, I was kind of terrified of being single. I was actually just getting used to being single when The Ex had the major meltdown after the Hot Jersey Guy drama weekend. What I wouldn't get into last entry was basically that The Ex ended up saying things to me that I had so badly wanted to hear for 2.5 years. The angry feminist in me said, "Too little, too late." And between sobs I did say this to The Ex when he confessed all these feelings -which were all feelings I suspected he had but never knew for certain. Letting it really marinate for about a week, the girl who only read/watched fairy tales and played with Barbie surfaced. And well, it's VIDEO CLIP TIME (WHY, WHY, was this song popular?):



Oh. The 90s!

Anyway, long story short, I'm not back with The Ex but we've been hanging out (and seriously just hanging out) and the possibility of getting back together is there. He's trying really hard, he wants me to be his girlfriend again and I have to keep reminding him I'm not. His efforts should be convincing or at the very least seen as sweet, but for some reason it feels really smothering.

The part of me that really loves him and always will, wants to forget about the last 4 months and go back to the relationship we had. But is that even doable? Not to mention the serial monogamist in me sees some real benefit of just being in a relationship and not having to worry about dating. Yet, this time around and the little time I have had being single has kind have been a lot of fun. It's be interesting meeting different people and not having any obligations. It's been liberating being able to be selfish and only have to think about my schedule. And yeah, it gets hard when you have an event to go to and you don't have anyone to bring or when you find yourself without plans on Friday and none of your friends can hang out last minute because they are with their boyfriend or girlfriend. But, I don't know, being single makes you really step back and figure out what it is that makes you happy regardless if there is someone special in your life or not. It also provides wonderful entertainment - I mean look at how wildly entertaining this blog is - all thanks to single life!

So, to be single or not to be? That's the question and it's a toss up. I really do feel torn despite my contradictory actions which include figuring out how to spend New Years Eve in NYC (and therefore a possibility of ringing in the New Year with... you get one guess) and two nights this weeks after a few glasses of wine I've texted The Musician - which is a whole other story, for a whole other blog entry, but let's just say we may or may not hang out next Tuesday.


There is much to think about, dear readers, which brings up another point. I feel an obligation to my readers around the world, yes, the WORLD (at least according to google)!! Thanks of course to my US readers but I have to give Canada, UK, Germany, Russia, Israel, Croatia and Denmark a special shout out: Thank you! Danke! Spasiba! Toda Raba! Hvala! Mange tak! And please keep reading!

Point. Click. Click. Click. Click......

I am sad to say that I haven't gone on a date with someone from OKCupid since November 8th -almost a month ago! Mostly I have been looking around on OKCupid, pointing, clicking and have been super unimpressed with the selection. To be fair, I haven't had much time to date because my November I was busy with The Musician, The Ex and Hot Jersey Guy.

To recap on those situations:
 
The Ex: It's too complicated, too personal and I just can't pull enough witty sentences together to tell you where everything landed after his drunken meltdown while Hot Jersey Guy was here. Just rest assured that it's quite messy and I don't know how to clean things up and if it's even worth trying. If you are confused by this, rest assured, you're not alone.

Hot Jersey Guy: Still hot. Still in Jersey.

The Musician: Well, if you remember, about a month ago I put The Musician on douchebag probation. And after careful consideration I have come to the conclusion that he's not a douchebag but he is just an ass. And so am I....

Although deep down I knew he was most likely not going to really try to pursue dating me or even communicate with me, I was actually stepping out of my skeptic shoes for a bit and was hopeful. And for about a two weeks I actually had reason to keep hope. We hung out before I left for New Orleans, he sent me a text while I was away that read: "Wish you were here tonight. Have fun in N.O" And yes, I found it creepy but I also saw the effort in that text and saw that to most it would be sweet. When I got back, we went on our first date ever and had fun, or at least I thought we did. We emailed back and forth for the next week. We texted over Thanksgiving. And then, nothing. Nothing. Just like that. And I really wish I could say I don't care but I do. And like last time, I really think it's mainly for pride reasons. I mean yeah, he's smart and attractive, blah, blah, blah but really why doesn't he think I'm super awesome? And why isn't he trying to date me?! What's worse is Kaitlin once told me I was totally out of his league. And I kind of think she's right because after further examination on The Musician's douche factor, I think he's really just a weird and a tad socially inept guy. And both of these personality traits are slightly charming and also maddening all at the same time. And therefore, he's an ass. And this hurts my pride big time that I can't even date an ass who is in a league below me! And now I find myself pointing and clicking on his facebook page because I am also an ass! And so is Mark Zuckerberg for creating facebook. DAMN YOU MARK ZUCKERBERG!!!!!!!!!!

Am I losing my touch? I've even been getting less OKCupid messages!

I don't think I'm losing my touch but I do think I'm a bit burnt out. The last four month have been filled with a lot of dating, a lot of guys and WAY too much drama. This on top of work being busy and being enrolled in a graduate class, it's been too much. I've been overeating, under-sleeping and well: I NEED A BREAK! So, dearest blog readers, I have decided to take a leave of absence from my dating adventures, finish up my grad class and do some soul searching. And without further ado VIDEO CLIP TIME: Ladies and Gentleman, give it up for Glenn Frey and the video styling of "Morty298":



Don't think I'm going to stop blogging though! First of all, I'm sure my "soul searching" will last less than two weeks because that's when my class is over and most likely when boredom will strike. Also, there's a few fun stories that have happened in the last four months that I have not shared with you. And please, you know you all come for the video clips anyway and there will be plenty of  those to go around! To prove this, to get in the mood for the holiday season AND because it never gets old VIDEO CLIP TIME UNA VEZ MáS: