The Australian

The first person I started talking to when I decided to go back onto the online dating scene was The Australian. I found him on the How About We site. I thought he was interesting because he was on it just to find a person to hang out with when he came to visit in L.A. So we emailed back and forth for a bit and finally the time came and he was here!

He told me he was coming for six days and I was really unsure if I was supposed to be his tour guide for the entire time or if he had six different girls lined up to hang out with. I can tell you that I did let my imagination run away with me and envisioned this fun fling that would not be unlike Sandy and Danny's summer fling in Grease.... VIDEO CLIP TIME!




I will tell you right now that's not what happened at all.

He arrived Saturday after driving from Las Vegas and we met up at The Cat & Fiddle which is a cool restaurant/bar with a ton of outdoor seating in Hollywood. And as we sat at the bar, him drinking a Budweiser, me a dark & stormy, all I could think was: "Holy Shit, this is one of the hottest guys I have ever been out with." Between that and the accent it was REAL hard to concentrate. I have a few friends who really don't like the Australian accent and I'm not sure I had a preference either way but it worked for this Australian. Okay, honestly, the guy could have talked with any accent or not at all and I would have been totally okay with it. That's how hot he was!

We talked and hung out for awhile. I learned that I know absolutely nothing about the great country of Australia. You mean it's not exactly like England but on the other side of the world? Here are things I learned and yes, I'm kind of ashamed about some of these facts that I'm sure I should have known:

1. They have their own money! I'm not sure what I thought they used - pounds, maybe? Again, I just thought Australia was another England, leave me alone. Also, Australian money color coded.... kind of like Monopoly money (see right).
2. The prime minister of Australia is a woman! But, no one really seems to like her. At least according to this Australian.
3. They do NOT call soccer football. They call it soccer. But apparently they are real bad at it so no one really follows it.
4. They have a super weird sport that is hugely popular. I still don't understand it but it's called Australian Rules Football. It's seems to me to be a weird combination of soccer and football but then a lot of other random rules mixed in.
5. Not everyone from Australia surfs. That's just a stereotype! The Australian grew up in Melbourne by the bay so the waves were calm and he never learned how to surf.

And then after a few drinks, it was time to go. I was super awkward saying goodbye because ummm hello, I had a few drinks in me and had been staring at a guy who was so hot it was stupid for nearly three hours. I restrained myself and we made plans to hang out again. But.....when I texted him yesterday to follow up on these plans, I got a text message back 12 hours later saying he was in Hong Kong. Apparently, he had gotten an early flight home. Now, I'm not sure if this was a lie or not but either way.... OUCH!!! Oh well, at least I got free drinks on a Saturday night and spent three hours drooling over a really hot dude.... am I right!?

Whatever. Stupid hot Australians!! Now I'd like us all to watch a video of an Australian comedian making fun of the stupid Austrilian accent. Yeah, it was hot on Saturday but today I think it's stupid. Another Video Clip Time!

My Thoughts on Texting, Sushi & Geminis

This week I have had two dates that went pretty well and then two phone calls that made me want to scream and punch something - don't worry, I remained somewhat calm and did neither.

Let's start with the good shall we?

So, during my date on Friday with DJ Skinny, I started what I didn't realize would be a never ending text conversation with a new guy from OkCupid: TextFriend. I know it was probably rude for me to start texting someone I was going to potentially go on a date with while on a date, but remember, DJ Skinny used the word "homie" in a sentence, in more than one instance! Anyway, TextFriend gets his name because he's a textaholic but he has the potential to actually be a friend so I want to be nice.

At first, our texting conversation was fun because it was a nice distraction from DJ Skinny and then from the party that I went to later that night where I felt completely out of place. And then the texts just kept coming......and that's when I knew this would not end well. He was totally funny and I could tell through his text messages we'd get along BUT....seriously, texting before noon on a Sunday should be illegal.

On Monday, through texts (of course) TextFriend asked me to lunch. When I said I was busy, he asked if was I busy all night. Finally, I realized that if I wanted these text messages to stop I would have to hang out with him. Also, we decided, through texts, to be facebook friends, so I got more of a preview online of what to expect. Again, I don't want to be mean because I think he was a really nice guy and I really do want to be friends with him but let's just say he chose one flattering photo for OkCupid and chose lots of unflattering photos for facebook. When we finally met, at the Big Foot Lodge in Los Feliz, he looked somewhere in between his photos on facebook and the one photo on OkCupid. My one major complaint was his fashion, or lack thereof and I really hope we can be friends so I can give him a makeover. You know, like clueless, VIDEO CLIP TIME:




Awww Brittany Murphy RIP :( Also, Alicia Silvertone's Career: RIP as well.... :(

Despite TextFriend's poor fashion, he actually was a super nice guy. When I got to the bar, he had already befriended the bartender! And who doesn't love people who can make friends easily? And he was super easy to talk to and we had a great time. By the end of the date I really wanted to be more than TextFriends....I wanted to be friends. A big emphasis on the word "friends" though. I know better than anyone else that to be friends with someone from from an online DATING site is really hard if not near impossible. So when the texts started bright and early the next morning after we hung out at Big Foot Lodge (texts before 10am on weekdays should also be illegal), I knew I was going to have to drop the friend bomb. Luckily, he gave me the perfect opportunity when he asked the three following questions:

1. Was I your first Cupid date? (My answer: No)
2. How do I match up to the others? (My answer: Definitely haven't thought about it)
3. Are you interested in hanging out again? 

And after the third question is when I dropped the ole friend bomb. He thanked me for being upfront and said he would like to hang out as friends. I'm skeptical, of course. The good news: no more texts! Woohoo!

Last night, I went on the 2nd date of the week and 3rd date of my LA online dating adventure series. He also happened to be the first guy I met in person from the How About We site. And I shall call him The Art Student! We emailed a bit but saved most of the small talk for actually meeting which was great because we had a lot to talk about! The Art Student lives in Little Tokyo and suggested a great sushi place down by him. It was called Komasa and it was AMAZING.

First, I've decided going out for sushi is a WONDERFUL first date. It's not messy or hard to eat and sharing food is the norm so it's not awkward (I'm still bitter about sharing a dish with DJ Skinny last Friday).

Second, The Art Student was really attractive, super normal and a genuine good guy. Given these three things, I tried to give him a flaw by thinking, "Well, he's not that great he's an art student." BUT it turns out he's in grad school for product design and he has a legitimate career plan! So, here I am enjoying him, the date and get this...no I mean sit down, and prepare yourself for this one: he was totally not interested in me!!! He was nice enough but I could just tell. I'm not sure why he was so uninterested and that's when I had a scary thought. What if there is an online dating equation that looks like this:


Weird/crazy person + Normal person = Online Dating Experience.


If that's the case than I was totally the weird/crazy person on my date with The Art Student. And I realize that even thinking that really enforces that I just might be crazy or weird or both.....

Luckily, even if he thought I was crazy or weird, he did not hold it against me. He paid for dinner and walked me to my car like a true gentleman. But I have to say when we hugged goodbye and I got that gut feeling that this would be last time we hugged, I got a little sad. I hope I didn't awkward linger... that would be weird/crazy. Sigh....it's always the normal guys that get away.

But let's be honest, normal isn't all that fun to write or read about so bring on the crazies!

Speaking of....

Geminis. Gemini women, I love you, there are so many of you in my life and I think you are all wonderful but I'm starting to think we probably wouldn't be able to date. Why do I say this? Because Quincy and The Ex are Geminis and today, BOTH of them drove me out of my mind.

It started with The Ex. So, The Ex has been calling me a lot and I've continued to ignore these calls. He then called Saturday night at 11:30pm my time which meant it was 2:30am where he was. Again, I ignored the call and then had to listen to a really angry message in which he swore at me a few times because I had been ignoring him. He never called to apologize for leaving such an unwarranted voice mail. So, I felt the need to tell him about this voice mail and also just let him know exactly why I had been ignoring him in the first place. Long story short, he was an asshole, as usual, about everything I had to say. Thank you, Ex, for giving me yet another example of why I don't need you in my life.

After I called a wonderful Gemini in my life to talk about this stupid phone conversation with the stupid Gemini in my life, I felt really great. She calmed me down and said really encouraging words that made me feel like I did and said all the right things. And within 5 minutes of feeling wonderful my phone rings and it's Quincy. Awesome. I let it go to voicemail. After listening to his voicemail that said, "I guess you don't want to talk to me which is okay but I wanted to let you know if you ever do want to talk I'm here." I wanted to throw my phone into oncoming traffic. And I have three very great reasons for why:

1. The first time he called me since I saw him was last Tuesday, January 17th. Today was the only other call I got. He hardly made an effort to get in touch with me. If he called me like 3-4 times and I didn't pick up or call back, his statement of "I guess you don't want to talk to me," although absolutely true, would be more of a valid statement. TWO phone calls NINE days is hardly enough time for him to actually realize I'm purposefully ignoring him.
2. The last time I saw him, which was now almost A MONTH AGO, he said the words, "I'll call you before you leave." He called me on Tuesday, January 17th, TWO weeks after I left. Is he really surprised that I'm not jumping the moment my phone rings and it's him? 
3. I was in Boston, the city he lives in, for 2.5 weeks and I got an invitation to hang out with him 0 times but now he wants to talk? And what about and why? 

UGHH!!!! I now I swear off dating Gemini men. Sorry dudes, but you seem to be a bit crazy and I have a one date maximum for crazies.


And those are my thoughts on Texting, Sushi and Geminis.

The First LA Date: DJ Skinny

When a guy admits to being skinny on his online dating profile this means he's one of those weird individuals who can't gain weight no matter how hard they try. And if that's not your thing, you should probably steer clear. Super skinny guys are not my thing. Call me crazy, but I just don't like a guy who if he tried on my clothes not only would they fit but they might be a bit baggy on him. So when I walked in to Chi Dynasty in Los Feliz Friday night, I kind of felt like I was in middle school because that's the last time I remember being bigger than a guy. To be fair, he was a bit taller than me. I had shoes that brought me up to about 5'5"-5'6"and he was MAYBE 2 inches taller than me. But he was definitely 10-20 pounds lighter than me - and I'm not a big girl, so I wondered if he had an eating disorder. This is LA after all.

Trying not to let my shallowness get in the way of a perfectly good evening, we sat down for some Chinese food. I was so excited to get my normal pork fried rice, General Tso's chicken and egg roll! But then.... he suggested all these other things because he knows the owner and he goes there a lot. And we ended up splitting dishes that were just okay. Ugh...... so my craving for Chinese food remains.

And then on to the conversation. I'm not sure when it was ever okay to use the word "homie" by anyone but I definitely know a tiny, white guy who grew up in Austin should never utter that word in the year 2012. And that is why I'm calling him DJ Skinny. Even if he didn't tell me that he made hip hop beats in his spare time, it was very clear by the way he talked. The only way to describe the way he talked is by VIDEO CLIP TIME (Note: DJ Skinny did not dress or talk offensively, in fact he was very respectful but other than that, this is pretty much the way he talked):




Ooooh Seth Green what a terrible career choice.

Anyway, the conversation was fine but at the end of the meal I was more than ready to call it a night. And that's when he asked if I wanted to get a drink. And stupid me said, "Sure.... why not?" We went across the street to Drawing Room which is the diviest of dive bars. On the walk over I learned two things: 1. He's half-Jewish and 2. He had a bit of a swagger when he walked. Yep, this 5'7", 110 pound, half-Jewish guy had a swagger? Why? WHY?!

Drawing Room was really packed and it was full of hipsters. I could tell DJ Skinny was made nervous by all the flannel, thick rimmed glasses and facial hair. But, we stayed for a drink and that's when he decided to tell me about his new apartment. It's a lovely studio in Hollywood and he has set up his  turntables, computers (he has 5....?) and his sleeping bag. Yeah...a sleeping bag. I'm not into skinnier-than-me guys and I'm also not into guys who don't own a bed and I'm not going to apologize for that. After this fun fact was learned, I downed the rest of Corona and was ready to go home.

With an awkward goodbye, I thanked him for dinner and pretended that we should do this again sometime.

Also, I knew going into this date that he is "going through a divorce." At least that's what his profile said. He only brought up his ex-wife a couple of times so I'm not sure if the divorce is finalized or not but I'm assuming if he doesn't own a bed the divorce is pretty new.

DJ Skinny meant well, he really did. Unfortunately, his odd combination of hip-hop talking, swagger walking, sleeping bag sleeping, needs to eat a sandwich or 20 build was just not doing it for me. But I'm sure he'll make someone very happy some day.


One date down... many to go. DJ Skinny set the bar low, let's just hope no one lowers it!